Sunday, May 11, 2014

DBPW - Day 98 I am not perfect but I try. Happy Mother's Day Moms!

If you read my post yesterday you will see what my wonderful step son asked me upon getting up in the morning yesterday.  With his teeth still smelling of toothpaste and sleepy in his eyes he asked, "Mind if I whip myself up a drink?".  He's 16!  I said, "What the hell are you talking about, you just got up, you are 16 and it's not even noon yet, who the fuck do you think I am?"  He made himself a sandwich quietly and chose chocolate milk (reasonably so) instead.  In my humble opinion, if you still want chocolate milk (ick) ever, then you are too young to be drinking enough that you want to whip up a mixer first thing in the am!  I still don't know what the hell was happening in that moment.  I really think he forgot that I am cool but NOT THAT cool. 

I won't lie on here to any of you.  I have allowed him to have a beer or two while working with his Dad, a glass of wine at dinner and quietly offered to get him condoms if he needs them.  Perhaps he smoked a joint once up here, late one night, with family friends, well after his father and I went to bed.  Certainly not in our faces but we were told after the fact.  And this was long AFTER he'd been caught with his own "product" at home.  We didn't freak on him, we let him get away with this social interaction but I made mention I knew and not to make a practise of it.  I advised him that I didn't think the house was an appropriate party central for him thus not condoning the behaviour altogether.  I don't do any of it for the record.  I don't drink, rarely if at all.  I don't smoke pot, or even smoke cigarettes anymore, but I am no prude.  I did not allow him to do all those things I mention in one weekend or even a six month period.  Sometimes we talk late at night about his life and he is honest with me about the things he does and is trying, so there's a degree to which I will allow things to happen because I am not blind nor do I wish to be where the kids are concerned.  I would rather know than not. 

Perhaps you think I am wrong in my allowances but I am not stupid and I want to know what he is doing and soon her.  She just had a sleep over on the Friday and I asked if they got into the "booze".  She twisted and contorted her face all up in indignation saying, "noooo, yuck".  I knew that face said it all, she hasn't tried drinking to any extent yet.  I just left it with, "I just want to know when it happens kid, that's all, not gonna get mad, I just want to know".  Okay she agreed while still looking at me weirdly.  I would rather it happen and I know about it, so I can protect them.  I feel like as a Step Mother I have a better ability to get the truth and keep them safe.  I don't think they will tell their parents this stuff.  That said, yesterday with dude was a bit much, even for me.  "This is not Daytona Beach son, this is not spring break, and I am not THAT cool", I thought to myself all day.  I think the lesson was ingrained quickly due to my rapid speech response.  It came out of my mouth before I had a chance to think.  I also promptly emailed his father and told him which is not my normal practise, we usually do that sort of communication privately not to break the kids trust.  Instead, I told the little man I was telling his Dad that he "apparently lost his mind temporarily".  Because I am weaning off some medications that handle not only back pain but moods as well, maybe I am a little short tempered too so my response included swear words which usually doesn't happen.  Especially when I am having a "serious talk" with either child. 

Last night we went out to dinner because my back pain was so great, my husband didn't want me cooking.  Before we were seated they informed us a musician was playing so we chose the quieter of the two rooms off to the side.  Once seated the drinks were ordered.  We offered the step son some wine, he wisely declined.  Did you know a restaurant cannot serve it but a parent can? I didn't but that's what the husband said to my, "Perhaps this weekend the kid can have a dry weekend, seems he needs it".

As soon as we got settled in at the restaurant another family arrived, two parents, two kids.  I knew immediately these two toddlers were going to sit behind me.  It's how my luck goes especially when I am already temperamental.  And they did.  They were beautiful boys but the way they ran in climbing over everything in their way, I knew dinner was no longer going to be a quiet affair with some back ground music.  It was now going to be two noises competing with each other, the musician and the two kids competing with him for attention.  UGH, lord help me.  The minute the parents were able to wrangle their children to the table one started smacking cutlery on the table and the other drove a plate around like a car, with sound effects.  It didn't take long for me to say comfortably out loud, "Well now, this is going to make for a lovely and relaxing dinner".  No No, I didn't say it loud enough for the parents to hear, just muttered it to myself.  I hope?  I think?

Being mother's day I am going to apologize for what comes next but I am sorry if you cannot take your kids out because they cannot sit still, please don't.  The baby noises are one thing, that's uncontrollable and cute, it just is.  Even the "I found my voice" screeches.  They are cute.  We all know why they are doing it, it's like finding a clarinet, chances are you are gonna blow that fucker.  (After the appropriate mouth piece cleaning of course)  But amateur instrument playing at the table in a somewhat fancy restaurant and climbing over tables and chairs?  Not cool.  I had to take my purse off the back of my chair as the one child put his foot in my purse (sunglasses in there yo', not cool) to get over his mother's chair.  I knew if I didn't move it a meatball would likely be found in there later.  These were kids that simply shouldn't have been in a restaurant.  It wasn't fair to the kids themselves.  Why should they be forced to sit still in a chair like they are in a car seat?  Let them eat at home in peace without disturbing the hell out of other people.  Please do not kill me.  I was in a bad mood.  I do feel badly for feeling this way they were just out of control. 

By the time we left the restaurant all of us were cranky.  And I mean all.  And really, all my fault for pointing out the kids in the first place.  I bet my family would have ignored them if it weren't for me bringing light to the negativity right to our table.  MY BAD.  When we finally left my two step kids, having not been able to think over the music and the kids behind us, were argumentative with each other.  My poor husband with some legitimate hearing issues spent the entire meal saying "pardon" continuously so he was frustrated.   I had basically just shut down.  If it weren't for the best, and I mean best, eggplant parmesan lasagna, I have ever had, I might have insisted we leave earlier.   When we came home all of us wanted some comforting sweets to end the meal, in the comfort of our house, while watching a movie.  The night ended pretty perfectly. 

As I sat around last night reading a book watching the bickering between the two kids and my husband playfully egging them on I realized how stupid my temper was earlier.  So I apologized.  I told everyone my back was really sore as I was weaning off some medicines.  That it made me cranky and I was sorry that the kids at the next table had made me so anxious.  It was then that my little dude, my little drinker, piped up and said, "Now I know why adults drink for no apparent reason, it's us kids".  If we can keep him sober he might just be a genius.

I woke this morning with a smile.  My step son's words had ended a bad day on a deliciously genius note and I was still smiling about it.  I could hear my step daughter talking her Dads ear off, "Did you see the new nail polish I got?"  That's code for, "When is step Mom getting up?" I think.  My husband was responding appropriately as he always does.  The dog was pawing at the bedroom door to get into me, his Mom.  It was a perfect Mother's Day wake up.  And while I might not be the Mom here, but the Step Mom, I really do love these kid weekends.  I wouldn't give them up for anything.  Even today, during the Wii battles, the trampoline wars, and argumentative turtle hunting all I could think was how lucky I am that these little people are part of my world.  When I hear, "Nicolle can I....?" it makes me heart swell a bit.  And I hear it 4017 times a day.  So long as that sentence doesn't end with, "have a mixed drink at 11am" I am good.  Once I got up, dressed and ready for my coffee run, I found each kid, took their Tim Horton's order and kindly reminded them to call their Mom as it was her day, Mother's Day. 

It's how I roll, I am cool that way.  Today is her day and I am really happy that she allows me to spend time with her little people.  I just hope I am doing a good job. 



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