DBPW Day 106 Oh, thank god....

Well, I think it was the anti depressant. 

I was trying to wean myself off, with doctors approval, of an anti depressant.  Bi Polar and depression are two different things, they need two different drugs.  My body and brain has been on this drug too long for me to know how to live without it now.  The minute it started to leave my system, when we got down to one pill from three, I was so angry I couldn't take it.  And the pain in my body, the aches and pains my, "How does depression hurt?" body experienced were unreal.

I am now back on two pills, one am, one pm, and man, its like being a different person. 

I got up this morning all bright eyed, showered, hit town for my coffee and a few groceries, laughed with the grocery store staff.  I didn't growl once.  No one on the drive in got yelled at.  I even got out of my car and went into to get my coffee as the drive through line was long and I thought of the environment over my own hatred of the human race.  That's almost socializing right there.  That's like a day on the town.

Then, then, I came home and made fresh berry pancakes and bacon, with fresh cut pears and apples on the side.  Medicated Mary, Martha Stewart, is back!

My poor step daughter who is in a cast also now has a sore throat too.  She was almost in tears when I asked her sore throat to travel the 20 feet from the living room to the dining room table for breakfast.  Almost.  She knows better.  Ahhhh who am I kidding, one tear and I am a fall down all over her mess.  The way she is clearing her throat is much like a cat with a fur ball. I think it's allergies so I broke a Benedryl in half for her to try.  She's been in a semi induced coma ever since.  Note to self: How to knock the children out in the future.  I jest, I am a step mom.  I am pretty sure if I do that I am going to jail.  I think you have to pass them through your uterus to be allowed to drug them.  And rightfully so.

I feel a million times better, like a different person. I cannot wait to go to this clinic and sit down with my meds and a doctor, and truly figure out what's what.  I want help.  I need help.  I am tired of being so strong really.  If I am THAT angry a person without depression meds can I work through that in therapy and change?  I have changed many other ways through therapy and course work. 

Only time will tell I guess.  There's so many personalities in here we get confused.