About ME

I am by no means perfect.  In fact I am as about as flawed as flawed can be but as I reach 50 I'm finally starting to see my flaws as the things that inherently make me, ME.  My so called flaws make me unique.  They make me both lovable to some and perhaps even dislikable to others.  It depends on who's looking.  No matter who is looking, they don't define me.

I spent 20 plus years on Bay Street in various positions of authority over a bunch of egotistical men and the women trying to be them.  I was never going to survive in that business as surviving meant giving up every part of me that was dying to come out.  The compassionate, caring and giving girl was being lost to the competitive, money hungry bitch that needed to be as mean as a rabid tazmanian devil to survive. 

I once announced I had a small surgery coming up and would be away.  Immediately upon announcing I was asked if "the doctor's were finally removing my balls" to which I had to reply, "yes, and I begged the doctor to give you a pair in return but no such luck!".  As fun as that was, when you reply like this to a little old bird in the check out line at the grocery store, it's time to call it quits.

I never looked back.  Okay that's not true, I looked back for a year, working from home.  Then I looked back for a year not knowing what to do with myself.  Then I spent two years taking over everything in my home and taking care of everyone else.  Then I spent the last few years arguing with doctors over what was "wrong" with me.  And now, today, I realize there's more right than wrong.  That said, I was diagnosed with PTSD from a rough childhood, which led to the development of Borderline Personality Disorder "BPD"(which speaks volumes to the temper I mentioned earlier).  Alongside BPD comes OCD, and eating disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder "GAD" and impulse control issues.  Tied directly into the eating disorder and impulse control issues is the matter of addiction.

So here I am today, writing to you fine folks with the grammatical skill and grace of Shakespear about stuff relating to my life, things that piss me off, things that make me happy, or simply things I need to talk about.  Sometimes it's all of the above.  But it all ties into who I am, a flawed woman who's perfectly herself.  Whether you want to listen or not is entirely up to you. 

Every day one thing is for sure, I have the choice to try to find the happiness in the moments I am alive or to find nothing but negativity and sadness.  I can listen and learn or be closed off and stagnant.  I can laugh or cry....yeah okay it's getting annoying. You have a choice, read me or not, but I hope I make you laugh if you do.  My anger management and impulse control issues are yours to enjoy.

N.