Saturday February 8th , 2014 - Day 6
Good morning all. I
am starting this blog at 9 (ish) am.
Okay fine, 923am. But in my
defence I’ve already been into town and played with bunny rabbits. Please don’t worry, they are REAL rabbits we
have rescued, we have three of them. I
wasn’t making that up in my creative mind.
I don’t see cartoon bunny rabbits on a random basis. Well wait, once when I dropped acid in high
school I saw a killer bugs bunny. That
was disturbing. But I haven’t seen him
since. Thank goodness too because people
were going to call for help if I kept hiding behind them that way pointing at a
non-existent rabbit. Please remove
your finger from the 1 on your phone, no need to finish that (911) call. I told you, if I go in, I may never get
out. I hear they have the good drugs on
the “inside”.
Now that I say that, I wish I had Hollywood money. I would go to “Passages” (a real named rehab),
“The Meadows” (pretty sure this is a horse farm), “Spring Gardens” (Chinese
restaurant) or “Betty Ford” (*snoring*) in a heartbeat. Every day is a planned out day, no surprises
except maybe the arrival of Lindsay Lohan.
You get therapy, art time, expected to write, 3 meals a day….I mean,
COME ON! I do all of that NOW! I would get an A+ for sure.
I would certainly miss my husband though. He has what I love to call a dry surprising
sense of humour. He catches you off
guard with it. Most describe my husband
as the nicest guy on the planet. He is
very much a guys guy in that he can build, fix or drive anything. He could build himself a car, fix the parts
they made wrong, then drive it better than anyone. That’s my guy. Where I am concerned he is all love, caring
and humour. He takes better care of me
than I do myself. He cares for me better
than I care for myself. He loves me more
than I love myself. And I am the
luckiest girl on the planet. He has,
since day one, seen all the best parts of me no one else saw. He makes me want to be the best me.
Living with someone with bi polar is not easy. I am lucky somewhat with my disease as I am
just short spurts of manic (high energy), then normal, then really really bad
lows, not in that order. I don’t have
delusions or hallucinations. I am incredibly
strong. I know that because I am very
low dosed pharmaceutically. I instead have to use all my energy to control the
moods trying to control me. That said,
when I am sad, really sad and low, I feel very vulnerable. I feel like everyone is going to leave me,
stop loving me, not care about me, and especially get tired of my disease. Feeling vulnerable like that then brings out
my need to defend myself, stand up for myself, and I get really very
angry. Anytime I am sad my husband finds
himself often saying, “no matter how hard you push me away I am not leaving
honey, you can’t make me”. God bless
him. I am an atheist so saying that
means a lot. I want the god(s) if there
are any to take care of him, to bless him, to make his dreams come true because
he gets me. He just gets me. And because he does, I use every ounce of
energy I have to control my moods, apologize when I can’t get a grip, and take
care of him in all ways I can think of.
That’s my relationship and I am sincerely lucky to have it. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone
else. My favorite time(s) are with my
husband. Well that was fucking
sappy. Enough of that shit. If he read this he would FOR SURE ask for a
blow job. I will not be reading this
post to him. Don’t want his ego
overblown. (Get it, “BJ”, “blown”….all
in two sentences. I don’t think it can
be “overblown” though).
The best times I have had with ma’ man is when he is making me
laugh and typically that happens when he’s picking on me. Because I am not insecure about his love I
adore his making fun of me. Try it
ladies, I highly recommend it. Let them
make fun of you and when it’s funny let ‘er rip. They are the best giggles. Tonight making dinner I yelled, “fucked that’s
the fourth time in as many minutes that I have burned myself”. Husband replies, “Most stop after the first
time, you’re so unique”. And that’s the
shit I’m talking about. He once told
friends of ours when referring to me sweeping that the only broom I knew of was
“the one she rode in on”. That shits
gold. We have rabbits, three of
them. One is a real bitch and when I say
so he says, “now you know how I feel. Just
think I have little bitch and big bitch”. Now I could get all insecure that he calls me
big and/or a bitch, bitch and/or big but I know in no way shape or form is he
saying anything other than, “man sometimes gurl you be a bitch”. And it’s true, I can be, like a lot. So why not laugh at a good joke. It does not mean he loves me any less. I think it means me loves me more because he
is comfortable saying this stuff to me. He
just says great silly things that make moments gold. Right now I am chewing on the inside of my mouth. It’s a habit.
He knows it is nerves that cause it, just general antsiness and instaed
of asking why I am doing it or what’s wrong he simply says, “dessert?” He knows that my laughing can and will only
help.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not one sided trust me. I
pick on him alllll the time. More
importantly I play pranks on him all the time.
For example; he has no idea where anything is in the kitchen. I think it’s a guy thing. A long time ago I purposely started moving
shit around. If he used a potato masher
helping me make dinner I will ensure it’s in a completely different place the
next time and purposely ask for his help.
It just makes me giggle. He once
safety pinned a hand towel to the bathroom rack because I don’t fold it back
after I use it. I safety pinned it to
his pillow. Once he was mowing the lawn
and I heard a loud crunch and looked out and there he was on the lawnmower, IN THE
LAKE. I didn’t let a second pass. I opened the door and said, “honey, why the
mowing of the lake?” Not, “are you
okay? Do you need help?” I closed the door before he could even
reply. I know every time he is going to
repeat himself, so I say it first, every time.
It’s not annoying at all. Oh and help, never give it. He hates advice so when something is about to go tragically wrong and I know it, I will let it happen. Why? Well because he's said, "I hate advice, makes me feel like you don't know I can do it". Oh but honey I do know you can, and lose a finger doing so. Love you babe.
I would say jack shit here but my camera would be ready to go.
It's not just in the lake but like 6 feet in the lake. Speeding perhaps? Like air born speeding. Haha
I don’t have much else to say today as it’s been
uneventful. I got up, did a coffee run,
got some groceries, groomed my giant horse of a dog, and made my husband a
fantastic dinner. So it’s a good bi
polar day. I am out of bed and have been
all day! YAY ME! I consider that and a good mood a good day.
Brushing this is about as fun as....well it isn't. But he's a good looking boy.
How was your day?
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