It’s a no gym day.
First off my husband left at 430am, waking me in the process. Then the puppy decided he needed to take
Daddy’s place in bed at 630am, waking me in the process. Then the puppy who likes to sleep in needed to
decide whether he wanted to sleep in, OR wake up and have his breakfast. He talked about that on an off for a couple of hours. About every half hour on the hour the pup
would roll over, announce he was rolling over, check to see if I was going to do
anything about his rolling over then flop all 100 pounds back down to sleep.
We got up at 830am.
I have no husband for a week. My brother might be coming to stay with me
but that’s out in the apartment guest suite.
I am alone for a week basically. I would
like ideas of things I can do to get me in “just” enough trouble to make the
husband laugh. I was thinking of hitting
up a Legion for a few drinks one night maybe for a Eucre night or Bingo? I
told him I was gonna paaaaartaaaay. LOL
What a gorgeous day today.
The wind was brisk in the late morning but earlier, just gorgeous. I took a pillow and blanket out and did a
little meditation on the front stoop in the alcove helping stop the wind. It truly was lovely.
It’s these little things, the sun, (you know in the grand scheme of
things that little wee sun). We have to
appreciate the wee things.
I was up late last night, obsessing about making up with
friends, making any conflict go away in my life.
But I realized sitting in the sun, it doesn’t matter anymore. In the moments like the sun, no one mattered but
me and the sun. If life is just made up
of those little now moments then nothing really matters that much but that moment in
time. I am not saying the people I
obsess about are bad people or wrong, or that they don’t matter to some people, they
just shouldn’t to me. Even in typing
that I know I am lying, they matter too much too me some days. They are a great part of my history but if I take the
world as little nows, right nows, they are gone. And when I think that way I smile.
I would love to bundle up today and take the dog for a walk
but I have a sheer ice driveway and don’t think my body or the old dog’s would
do well with a spill on the ice.
And how fast they turn, how fast the day turns. Can you just have something happen in your day and throw you so far off your previous track you wonder if you are truly crazy? I mean it's not like something tragic happened. It's just fluff drama and it throws me off my game EVERY time.
I have an ex friend from high school. One of those I am trying to let go of (see
above). To say we’ve had a rocky road is
the greatest of understatements. My
husband hates her, he hates the way she’s hurt me and makes me so angry. I try so hard to let it go, I swear I
do. Like today. I was up late obsessing
about her and some other friends so today was all about love and light,
enjoying the sun, some TV shows I haven’t been able to watch, just a good
quiet day.
Out of nowhere I see a friend
post on Facebook and then that same friend responding to this
girl I am trying to get out of my life. I can only see my friends comments and not this girls. I always could before. We are not friends, but we share friends and comment all the time on the same posts. Not anymore. You see, she’s Facebook blocked
me. It’s funny she tells everyone I am a
cyber bully to her because I vented about us to mutual friends. But she and her friend, both block people on Facebook and they are not bullies? It's obvious when someone has done so to all they are mutually speaking too so who's the bully now? And it’s all so High School mean,
cruel and rude. That said, no matter
how childish it is, it hurts. It hurts
to know that someone out there hates you so much they go out of their way to configure their account to block themselves from even having to see your name.
It's at this time I could call them both names, make fun of
their lives and belittle them but it only takes me to their level. I snapped on Facebook and called her actions "childish"
on my friends wall but I took it down. That in itself, the action of calling it anything was childish. It's not our mutual friends fault. Just my temperamental reaction
to someone else’s action. It, her actions, had
immediately taken control of my emotions and was starting to ruin my day, if I
let it anyways.
Instead I wrote to you kind folks and a
couple of friends just asking, “Really? Why?
Help? I don’t get it?” I am not
exactly the type of person “normal” people WANT or choose to piss off. I had
a friend talk me off the ceiling. God
love girlfriends.
It’s time for that dog walk now. Damn it. I will go play with my baby rabbits first,
they always make me smile. Breathe in,
Breathe out. The dog and I balanced our
way to the dry road and up the hill and back.
It’s always good when you are losing it to distract yourself as soon as possible. To walk it off and
breathe damn it, just breathe. Having a
good ear never hurts too. But at a
certain point you have to accept what YOU ARE ALLOWING into your house, your
mind, your heart and shut that door.
Mine door is shut again, for now.
To my girlfriends out there.
I love you gals. So much.
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