Good evening my friends. I am STILL, STILLLLL fighting this damn cold. I have stopped doing anything but lying around because I need it to be gone for cake making, step daughter birthday celebrating this weekend. The only respite I might get is the fact she has it too and bad enough she is on Tamiflu, the drug that tries to beat off the flu. It's a bad one right now. I haven't felt this off in a long time. But here's the best part. My dog hates to hear me suffer so every time I cough he checks on me. In bed, he wants up and right in my face to sleep with me between my husband and I because Mommy is sick and needs doggy care. I couldn't be more pleased about the attention I am getting from my dog. It's a new thing that started in the last 3 months or so. Either I've been crying and snotty a lot or he's upset because Daddy had pneumonia and coughed so much. Either way, LOVE IT. I am just bathing in his love. So if this illness wants to ride along for a little longer, so be it *sigh*.
I don't have much else to say because I am in illness hermit mode awaiting my health and then I can interact again with humans and entertain ya'll as I do. I am still fighting off the bakery carb bug. No desserts here for a week, no chips, potatoes. I am, as I said, not going to be religious about this. I happily had half a cup of basmati fragrant yummy rice with my salmon tonight soooo, I am not giving up all things carbs. I make a mashed potato with the skins, spinach and mushrooms that's to die for. It's going no where. My own recipe home stuffing for a turkey, never not having. Perhaps I will skip the other carb dishes for it though! Time will tell. This is how I managed to lose weight in the past and this is how I kept it off then too. I cannot deny I have been down, and feeding that with food. I have had boredom, and fed that down. I have had heart break, and fed that hole. I may still do those things but with less baked goods! With the disease I have, Bi Polar, apparently sugar levels are really very important and my doctor gave me a serious what for this last visit. So it's time to listen, he hasn't steered me wrong thus far. Although putting me on meds that tend to cause weight gain was cruel and unusual punishment. Bastard!
Here's some saying pictures I truly loved as of late and thought I could do some writing with. I hope you enjoy. Tomorrow is about Fatty Fish. And I don't mean the Omega 3 protein.
It's a horrible life fact that I haven't seen changing yet. People will feel the need to do the above whether out loud or quietly to make themselves feel better. And it will hurt, ooooh kids, it's gonna hurt, and then when you come out the other side you will have hated yourself, rated yourself, felt shaky and thought yourself broken but you will still be standing. And that's what makes you, you. We are defined by our actions and reactions to life. Our actions and reactions define us. Until such time as this is no longer true, and we can be defined by our smiles, hearts, words, remember this. Remember for every action there is an equal or greater reaction and you will be judged by them until more people learn to stop judgement, including ourselves.
I have a big problem with this one because I expect people to listen when I learn. I want to share, to provide a lesson that hurt me so you don't have to hurt. I want to save people. It's my biggest fault, my immediate reaction to be a martyr, to put myself on a pedestal for others. It costs me because of the Bi Polar. After I do these things I tend to fall into a hole that's pretty dark and frankly I didn't need to do it in the first place. All I needed to do was be by your side and let you figure everything out on your own, you'd get there. I often hear, "I didn't come to you because I didn't want to hear what you were going to say".
When I went through shit with a friend last year, I was told my reactions were unreasonable, perhaps they were, I was hurt after all. I get vicious when I am vulnerable and hurt.
I have been accused of being self centered but not in the way of being selfish. That I am not. In having the need to have everything be about me. Even when I apologized I was told I made it about me. I, me, I, was apologizing so there being an aspect about me is not unusual.
I was accused of doing kind things so that I could get accolades and attention. It's not untrue. I do things for people I love because I love them and they love me back. I don't think doing something and expecting love in return is so bad actually. If we all did nice things for love the world would be full of nice things and love.
I am honest, I don't cheat, I don't lie, I make mistakes but I am honest. I had a secret once, one I should have come clean with much earlier than I did but in telling I only alleviated my own guilt. What I learned was not to have secrets, not to lie. When I was younger cheating was second nature, it happened to me so much. I started being the cheater until I met my husband. It was too much to risk losing.
I realized in the past couple of years that true happiness is resented by the weak and those unwilling to work for happiness. Happiness isn't just handed over to you because you think it. Thinking it is the start but you must act out your happiness. Don't work somewhere that makes you unhappy. If you have to for financial reasons, then make sure that outside of that job you are doing thing's that balance you to the happy positive until you can find another job.
If you are unfit and unwell, do everything you can to make that better so you are happy about them. If you often find yourself saying unhappily, "I am unfit and unwell" try doing anything and everything to turn that around. Even those riddled with disease that is incurable you will find have happiness. They know what they can and can't do to bring light into their days and damned if they don't just do so. They bring light in every single moment they have left. What are you waiting for? Your last breath? Don't waste that much time, please. I know. My Bi Polar leaves me unhappy a lot of the time, when I am happy, I don't waste that time. I do things that make me happy even if it's dancing in my living room along with the music way too loud. Good or bad days, the gym has become my mantra. I am not little, I am a plus sized gal and I will not stop going to the gym because I sweat unattractively. LOL
As for doing my best, I need to work on that, I really do. I short change my best all the time. Only giving my best when I am giving to others. When I give, I give too much of myself. I suppose when you look at this lovely soul Mother Theresa, she gave everything and it was never deemed by her to be too much. I guess I do that only because I get sick afterwards but I would likely get sick anyways even if I didn't over give. I would be stressed over not giving enough. I think you need to make others smile in the world through giving to make the world a happier place. The more you give to others, the more they do too. Pay it forward. We need more of it.
I love me some Mother Theresa. Had she only been able to show the world more and longer how it was to live the perfect life of giving and happiness. It's why she lived so long. There was only light.
No comments:
Post a Comment