DBPW - Day 64 Someone's gotta take care of you, might as well be you.....

Just so you all know, Mother Nature and I are still actively in therapy for her issues.  We should have them worked on in no time.
 

Now about me.

LOL

 
I had my quarterly shrink appointment today to which I took my husband.  I figured considering he's at the firing end of all my shit he should always meet my doctors, the people that are trying to take care of me.  To help me.  It was in there that he got the cold hard facts, some of which I haven't even told you.  I haven't talked about all I suffer from.  

 

But in honor of full, true, and plain disclosure, I suffer from:

Bi Polar Depressive Disorder (Bi Polar II – less manias (highs) than lows).

Borderline Personality Disorder (hot to cold in a nano second, very aggressive by nature)

 

 

 

 

These cause in me:

Compulsive Eating Disorder

Compulsive Self Harm

Compulsive Shopping

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

All are genetic.  Thank you Mommy and Daddy, your fabu!  Mean it, tons. 

 
I took my husband with me to the shrink.  He hadn’t met him and I had a complete meltdown today, so I thought it a good idea.  I got my typical antsy kind of anxious feeling this afternoon and lost it.  I couldn’t take yet another day of feeling like I couldn’t sit still.  If I am feeling good and bored then I would GO DO SOMETHING but I feel anxious.  So my husband losing his shit over my breakdown wanted to come and say to the doctor “this is twice in as many months she’s talked of killing herself, hurting herself, maybe these meds are wrong and she should go off them all and onto some other regimine”.  The doctor fixed, he thinks, the issue and ordered me VERY strictly off anything with sugar, any carb whatsoever.  He couldn’t stress strong enough that white sugar carbs to someone with bi polar and CED is like giving a heroin addict an oxycodone pill, not good.  Triggers a quick high, then a crash immediately following.  And he said all this in front of my carb laden husband!!!!  Who was quick to say he would go off them too.  Uh huh.  Let’s see how long this lasts.  But that said, he was pretty serious. 

Back to my breakdown.  Cause it’s all about me.  Seriously I hope these posts help people cause I am laying it alllll out there and if it’s not, I don’t need to write about my illness for me, I don’t, I could be journalling this.  I want my posts to make other people suffering feel less alone. 
 
It was bad.  All of the sudden I felt this anxiety, inability to sit still (caused by a med I need to change I hope).  I went to lie down, as with this cold I didn’t sleep all night trying NOT to cough and keep Dan awake.  Also, our dog, when you cough loses his marbles and comes running to you, wants to snuggle, be beside you, shakes even.  It’s the weirdest thing he’s started doing lately.  So in trying to keep both my men asleep I was keeping my coughs in my chest almost exploding in my pillow.  I took Halls all night and surprisingly didn’t choke to death on one.   When this anxiety hit and I was so tired and coughing up a fit that I just burst into a fit of tears.  I felt like a complete and utter failure.  7 years or so ago I was a rockstar in the Investment world and now I am a frumpy, chunky, miserable, wife.  Who yelled at her husband over a toaster setting recommendation on his part this morning.  LOL

Now that I say it I realize how silly it all was.  I supposed valium helps a little, along with a therapy appointment where everyone says, “you are sick, take it easy on yourself”.

 
So I say to you now, if you are sick, stay home, and take it easy on yourself okay?  It helps.  Oh and lay off the sugar, it’s bad. 

  
Make good choices.