IMPORTANT NEWS - I said IMPORTANT so bloody well read it!

I have been away for a bit so I haven't had a chance to comment on all the news as of late and it's important I do so.  This post will be a little longer than normal as there's so much going on in the world that is of the utmost importance.  (But fear not, there's a ton of pictures and little reading, just the way you like it and you know it!)

I'mmmmm baaaaack.

The haircut on the left is a real haircut.  The one on the right is from a movie about really dumb guys.  I need not provide my personal opinion of the picture on the left.

Finally after many wigs, demands for people to murder her va-jay-jay, bong drops, and sandals and socks *oh no*, Amanda Bynes visitation to her local psychiatry department has been extended.  I am so pleased.  It's costly to fly to Cali and slap (can you say "bail money") parents in the face.

The gal on the left is a bazillionaire because her sister made a sex tape, the guy on the right plays some sort of sport and makes more money than he should as per most professional something or others.  So much money in fact he's apparently become a drug addict and has checked himself into rehab.  I want to go to rehab. I bet it's lovely.  I mean so many celebs seem to think so!

See that speck of white, not the shirt in the upper left, over to the right.  That's Justin Bieber's (I'd look up the spelling if I gave a shit) underwear.  They sit on his waist, where his pants belong.  And there's the leather shirt, "WRONG", open to show his man child hairless chest.  I believe he is avoiding being punched for that I think, the whole outfit, in Toronto, by someone ashamed he's Canadian.  I think that's the story.

This is Mother of the Year for 2013, Lindsay Lohan's mother, Something or other Lohan (really I think that's her name).  The picture is from the party she threw for her daughter's successful stint and return from rehab (see commentary above about my next vacation).  What a great mommy, this bitch be classy.

50s Shades of me thinks you might have picked the wrong leads.  Then again, I didn't see Mr. Paint my Abs on, as Edward Cullen either so whadda I know?

 

I think this is bloody fantastic and can only assume it was the hormone therapy followed by a lot of hard word.  Way to go Chaz!

I have no idea who this is but allegedly he slapped a fan and is being charged with assault which I would be too if I met him cause I would want to slap those stupid teeth right outta his mouth.

You have Bi Polar and never get any oral sex girl.  No wonder you look so unhappy.  For fuck sakes eat a sandwich and kick that cancer blaming arse to the curb.

Apparently he has a stalker.  I have no idea why as this is not the boy who once held a boom box over his head.  He kinda looks like a bit of a truck driving ministerial serial killer now.  Maybe the stalker was a cult member mistaken for a stalker?

I am shocked to learn this is the same man, in the Senate, that picked Sarah Palin as his Vice Presidential candidate. Shocked I say, shocked.  Actually I am a little shocked it's not Candy Land, or Crush Candy, or some other stupid game they've had to create an Anonymous recovery group for.

Bieber's car.  Spell it out kids, D U M B A S S.

Later that day in the studio.  "No really I am fine.  My tongue, what about it?  It's still there right?  Here check.  There?  Excellent, let's sing some shit then!"

Work done or no work done.  Famous for sex tape or not famous for a sex tape.  Ya' look good girl and I love the hair.  Now only if we could get you to stop saying stupid shit like "the President's name is what now?" or my favorite, "what's my body doing?".  Girl you are knocked up, it's growing a baby honey.

Her name is there cause I don't know who she is other than she is married to some has been actor 3 times her age.  What I like about the photo is that she has apparently never left her original passion for pole.  A little girl has to 'hang' onto her dreams.

This is Abercrombie's rules regarding proper hair.  This dude is a total ass.  This is actually real.  I love picture number one, I would rock that cut.  Thinking about it and taking my large oversized ass into a store and holding a séance in the name of chunky girls with highlights everywhere.

I am so very disturbed about how much I want to sexually deviate the lead actor in my step kid's High School Musical DVDs.  But seriously, look up the trailer for "Neighbours" and I hope you get the trailer with the airbags in it, hilarious.

This is Kevin Smith.  Kevin and Ben Affleck are best buds.  Kevin is a comic freak and basically found Affleck, "made" Affleck.  See Mallrats and Chasing Amy.  Kevin is so excited Affleck might be Batman its quite hysterical.  I reserve judgement on Affleck being Batman but love me some Smith giddy about it.

Honest to shit I thought she was dead.  My bad.

Urban is talented.  I like Lopez, can't help it I do.  She's got personality.  And Connick I would hump on ANY given day with your whoo haww if mine was broken.  And he's hysterically funny so I think this might just be okay.  I told you.  This is earth shattering shit going on here.

Pretty sure their marriage is okay, she's hotter than he is even if he has a 'BIG DICK'.  And if you don't find the Blurred Lines video funny, being it IS a total farce from start to finish, you take life way to seriously.  Put your big girl granny panties on and turn off MTV then. 

I hope this kid just continues on life as she has without that stupid fucking Canadian kid and keeps it classy.  She is gorgeous, a good role model, her music's okay and I don't have to tell my kid "don't stick yer tongue out like that all the time or people will think it doesn't fit in your mouth".

This is that stupid Canadian kid I was talking about.  His tank or 'wife beater' as it's known commonly as, is that long because his pants are held up by the tip of, what I can only assume is, a tiny penis.

Mary Kate Olsen, half owner of the empire with her twin worth a billion dollars, and step mother basically to the taller girl on her right.  Yeah, the one that looks the same age as her.  Yep, it's creepy. 

Does this kid know he is white?  Has anyone told him yet?  I am not being racist, I am concerned for his identity.

Gwen Stefani called and wants her look back and she is pisssssed you shredded her shorts bitch.

Mermaids died so she could wear this.  RIP.

Boyfriend and Girlfriend.  Again, creepy.  Maybe it's the onesie.

A day after birth, "OMG she's still got a baby in there, look at that stomach on her...blah blah bullshit blah".  One month later "OMG did she have a baby?".  Listen you fucks, she had a baby in her stomach and appears to be healthy young woman.  End of story.

I feel bad for her.  It's more than obvious she's had a urinary tract infection for the last 10 years or so.  Look at that face, it screams "my whoo haaw burns".

Justin, I need you to step in and dress up your doll more often, and better please.

Can't. Find. Words.

 
Well fucking play Miss Aniston, well fucking played.  *yum yum yummy*

Guy's a douche.  Apparently they've split and swapped partners.  BLECK.  Partner swapping?  What did she swap for, someone 91 who doesn't talk to chairs?

Dear Miss Bobblehead, C H E E S E B U R G E R.  Try one.  Just one.

*sigh*

Who's prettier, me or Johnny?  Well why don't we 'do' each other and see if we can come to a conclusion.  Better than that gap toothed French thing.

I woke up this morning and my name was Miss Gaga, say it all hoity toity please.  Tomorrow, who knows who I will be.  Some people take meds for this and others perform in a G string.  No no, not a stripper it's Gaga, you know the one, named for something stuck in your throat.

Hmmmm, maybe I can see it after all.  "Well hello there Mr. Grey, pass the handcuffs please".

If these flip up stupid glass/sunglass things come back in style I will hurt her, with nothing but my mind cause my mind will have that much pain in it.

Her name is Madonna, get over it.

Paulina Gretzky prior to engagement.

Found one!!! Insert clothes back on here.

And today my name is "ooops wonder if the spa will charge me for the cuc's I left with". (sorry for the poor choice of words but the glasses are retarded, it's the only word that truly does this justice).

I have never been more OVER anything than I am these granny panty looking things.  I resent them.   As a chunky monkey I feel anyone not a chunky monkey should be flaunting what god gave 'em not hiding the shit up.

I am sorry sir but I can't read the rest of your tattoo, I will have to ask you to remove your swim trunks. 

DUDE!  Look up his MTV Movie Awards speech.  Best ever!  Get off your ass kids, ain't nothin' free!

The only two times this girl has ever looked better is when she basically stuck her tongue out at "that Canadian kid" or when she told that other boy band Wrong Direction to "shut the fuck up". 

And that is your world news to date.  Happy to help.  Have a wonderful evening. Your welcome.

Picture credits "shout outs" go to Pink is the New Blog, TMZ and Popsugar.  All of which I get all my world news from.