SCARES ME TO DEATH

I am sorry to all you wonderful parents who play "Elf on the Shelf" with your kids.  That little doll scares the living shit out of me.  The face is over dramatic, then the arms and legs are oddly stick like.  I could draw better ones.  And then you hide the little fucker and he's supposed to be watching you?  Might as well put Chucky under my bed and say "boo" in the middle of the night from under there!

That smile says nothing more than, "I will kill you when you're sleeping...."

Then to humour me, along came, "Whore in the Drawer".  Oh how she made me smile.  Perhaps I felt a certain kinship, a bond per say between her and I, I don't know.  She's glorious and so real with her 44, 15, 22 dimensions.  Layin' all sexy like in her drawer with her Cap'n panty remover in hand.  She's all woman that one.  Maybe she's not totally anatomically correct but least she's got hands and feet, elbows, knees etc.  I will take a whore over an elf any day.

Classy wee bitch she is. 

Then tonight my friend posts this below.  I thought the Elf on the Shelf was the scariest thing I would see this Christmas and then this little bastard arrived.  According to my friend, it's Elf on the Shelf and Whore in the Drawers love child.  I am pretty sure Whore would have vetoed the pregnancy but maybe the dates got away from her.  Either way, I am not sleeping tonight, or ever. 

*shiver*  It's like ET meets, that Lord of the Ring "my precious" creature, meets Elf on the Shelf and they all made a baby aka deposits with Whore in the Drawer and this is what came out to haunt me to death. 

 

DAMN IT.