Well the "TOP" lists continue. (Ode to Jen)

Today, this morning, care of a dear friend, I got a list of "unfun" toys.  Top 10 lease fun toys.  Please be advised that this posting may be offensive to some readers.  By continuing to read this you accept you may be grossed out, wet yourself, or not want to talk to me for a bit.  I am good with that, long as you are.  I am doing these in no particular order.  They will appear as they show up on my screen as I saved them.  I didn't put any thought into this one.  This is pure gut reaction.
 

 
These are still sold, today.  TODAY!  I have some if you need one.  I have a PayPal account.  Mine too comes with a book, an instruction pamphlet.  The book, it's blank, so you know.  Don't worry when you get it.  You are supposed to dress up the rock then draw it as a memory book.  The box, it may look familiar but it's not from Tim Horton's.  It just seems that way.  We use the same marketing company.  Please place your orders to nicolledianeweir@hotmail.com .
 

 
Apparently this is real, in the 30's.  This poor kid has no idea of his certain demise and/or his father is Dexter.   Poor child, the smile, you have NO idea little one, none.
 

 
Yes you put the water in it's ass, you push on it's penis, and it sprays water out of it's mouth.  So basically it spits water out when you play with it's dick but only if you filled it's ass.  This ties in somewhere to something but I think it's "ass backwards"!   Now that ending just made this whole paragraph.  Admit it, you laughed.
 

 
This is called Balloon Roulette.  Each trigger pull the gun tightens the rope around the balloon until it bursts.  So it's a surprise.  *BAM*  Surprise, you just shot yourself in the ..... Wait, this is so wrong.  Who thinks of this shit? 

First of all if this happens anywhere with anyone with PTSD????  The sound of the balloon popping.  Not a great sound. 

Second, with people who have any feelings about shootings, rampant in the USA????  This is a good idea?  Oh right, it's a Chinese made product, apparently they think this is funny shit.

Third, a balloon popped right in your ear? 

The only funny part would be the asshole in the ER explaining how he got latex INSIDE his ear.  *snort* 

Okay that's hysterical....."I, uhhhmmm, we were, uhhhhmmm, it just exploded, right in my......"
 
 

 
It's the "Original and Authentic" game.  Which you can no longer buy alongside horseshoes.  Why?  Because Americans have this thing called "Class Action Suits" where they bankrupt companies.  How do they bankrupt companies?  Americans sue them for example, when they play Lawn Darts so drunk they can't see straight.  Then they go and tell Bobby Joey Jr. "to stand in that there piss yellow circle and see if we can miss ya'll?" That shit never ends well but off they go.  "A suin' we will go, a suin' we will go, hi lo I married a redneck ho....."
 
How are they able to sue and get money for pure stupidity? 

Because of;

a) Class Action Suits, and ;

b) The fine print warning does not say exactly, "don't put Bobby Joey Jr. in the circle and do not play this under the influence of alcohol, crystal meth, cocaine, heroin etc etc.  You get the picture. 

Seriously go to a Drug Store in the USA and grab a hair dryer.  Open it, see the size of the instruction booklet?  Read it!  It says things like "do don't dry hair while showering!"  This is so a) above, doesn't happen. 
 
Because of stupid people everywhere, we are no longer allowed to throw anything at anyone.  When is the last time you saw a dart board in a bar in the States?
 

 
Actual mini bike for children.  Recalled them all in 2000.  Pretty sure it was because of the driving down the road wearing Crocs, shorts and a helmet made of sponge on a vehicle with an engine = bad idea.
 

Look on EBay, I think they still exist. 

Why is the bearded lady 4000 pounds? 

Does the weight cause hair to grow? 

But the better question is this, WHO WANTS TO PLAY WITH THIS?  If it's your child, be worried, very worried.  If you bought it for your child, worry about yourself.  If an adult wants this, there is a "My Strange Addiction" episode with your name written all the fuck over it.

Who doesn't love Elmo?  Who doesn't get happy when Elmo laughs?  Doesn't Elmo make everyone "crap" your hands?  Resonate on that typo.

It's the bearded lady's baby.  WTF 17 times over? 

What's with the leg warmers made of hair?  Why is the armpit hair over the shoulders?  Why is the crotch....just why?  And then just WHY?  "You can shave the baby".  Like this is common place in Asia?  Last time I checked, not to stereotype, hair, red hair specifically, on an Asian baby? 

And finally, if this is a fetish thing?  *gag*

I hope I haven't helped with your Christmas list because otherwise I need you to de-friend me. I won't be offended.  I might be offended if you buy me one of these.  That's what would be offensive.

I will be doing some real writing next week.  For now, it's list playing time bitches. 

xo