I am considered "plus sized" by fashion industry standards.
I have no idea what "fashion industry standards" means.
I would have to say the vibe I give off fashion wise would be a homeless vibe.
I own Louboutins but they are flats. Apparently that says a ton about me according to my 15 year old step daughter and the woman who rang up the purchase at the store.
I am confident all my makeup would test up there with ebola in the bacteria growth scale due to age.
I haven't showered since yesterday.
I am unemployed. I am not homeless though really. I have a house. I am not typing this in Starbucks on some else's laptop.
I would be rated as "loony" on the DSM scale (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders).
I can admit that and it doesn't offend me.
I am 46 and that's obvious when you count the rings under my eyes. Again, I am not offended when I say that.
It's pretty clear from all the above that I couldn't be more qualified to talk about thin people in designer clothes who make millions of dollars to look good and pretend they are someone else.
All of my commentary is in good fun and just my humble opinion. I will be picking on people and for that I will be going to hell. I've asked for a private room so I am okay with it. My husbands ex already calls me the "spawn of satan" so really, I am prepared to go where I need to go.
With my disclaimer in place I present to you my take on the Golden Globe fashions.
Amy Adams. I really love the black almost brown or steel colour, depending on the light but the neckline is annoying. When she moved it didn't. But the girl is beautiful and knows how to wear it.
I have nothing. How could I have anything? I am not sure which one of them I want more, him, her or her brackets Or maybe just her bracelets, or all of them, or....I am so confused.
I am not sure about the pockets but I know why she did it. It's perfect definition for a gal who just had a baby. Yeah she did. So annoying I know. She is perfection when I look past the pockets, that I completely understand, yet can't decide if I am okay with.
I love Drew. I love this dress. Older gals shouldn't do a dark eye I have been realizing. You know, because I wear makeup every day. I think she looks older and I think it's the eye makeup.
Better lighting makes a girl look better. It's why I am forever running around trying to get away from harsh lightbulbs. I am exhausted.
Because the back part wasn't annoying enough I present to you the front part. This is Emily and she is a model turned actress. I'd hate her out of pure jealousy if she wasn't a very vocal Planned Parenthood advocate. What's to hate about that? She supports the vagina and all it's attachments. Word. Me too.
No Felicity. No. Go home and take off Grandma's dress.
The King and Queen of long term relationships in Hollywood. Look at her! She is 71.
On the zoom in you can see my argument to lighter on the eyes. Her eyes are so blue, they don't need the emphasis either way. Her face looks a little puffy and tight, a little too puffy and tight BUT she's 71! If I can look like this at.....well now, at 46, I'd be happy.
It's funny how lighting and angles from each news outlet can be so different. No matter the lighting I LOVE this look and think Moore slayed the red carpet. I think Ryan Adams (her ex) might be eating ice cream from the tub and regretting not putting the garbage out. She glowed.
This dress kept making you think she was just skin underneath it. Just this underlying sexiness that the deep V neckline only emphasized. Loved it.
Stunning.
Not to be nit picky but if you saw her interviewed you would have noted, or not, (please refer to my "loony" description of myself) that her earrings were extremely heavy. Diamonds are rocks. Rocks are heavy. Those rocks are HUGE. You can't see it here but her lobes were really pulling, stretched out. It creeped me out. When I mentioned it to my husband he said, "she has ears?"
This is Us is a must see show if you haven't watched it. It just grabs you in the feels.
Too much. Too much eye. Hair too much. Too dark a lip. With all the dress has going on everything else should have been tamed the hell down. This gives me a headache.
I can't decide on the dress. The picture below represents the colour better, almost a mustard yellow. So I wasn't sure. But she, come on, she is stunning, just stunning. I think she could have done much better with her hair. It was a puffy yet severe look. Very 60s, very Jackie O-ish. Which of course would be the point with her nomination and all but it was too much for such a bold colour. I think it would have been much better softer. It made her forehead look big.
She's young, she's a princess. The end.
I am all about the sequins. Regina's neckline here just looks better than the neckline on Amy Adams' dress. Hers was too harsh. It flattened her out and didn't look good when she moved. This one flatters Regina's curves. Flatter not flatten please ladies.
I can't imagine how it would feel to walk the red carpet amongst some of these women being my size. To see this big beautiful girl walk the carpet was pretty amazing. I loved it when Gabby did it and I love it today as much. Girls of all sizes deserve the runway and red carpets of the world.
If you haven't seen the show This is Us then you won't know who this gal is. She is one of the main characters in the show and her story is getting flack because it's stereotypical. She is a fat girl obsessed with her weight and wanting to lose it. But that storyline ladies and gents is a storyline many women, and men, can relate to. Never before has it been represented on TV in anything other than a reality TV show about losing the weight. It's never been a character on a scripted network TV show. Her name is Chrissy Metz and playing this character, putting yourself out there unapologetically like this impresses the shit out of me.
I love the colour of this dress, I love the jewels at the waist to add some definition and the neckline to draw your eye to her beautiful face. I think the waistline jewel could have been smaller, not quite as long, which would have done more to make her hips look more defined. But maybe she didn't want that. Maybe her stylist said, "embrace this shit" and to that I say, "Amen".
Sorry I don't know how a naked person got on here. Seriously is she there or not there. It's like she's a ghost. Can you see me now? How about now? Imagine this dress in a stone colour.
Tracee you're quirky and I think I like it. Short sheath dress flirting those legs off is great. But the Terminator dedication via your fingers overkills the entire look. Fail gurl, fail.
I like football.
Love both their looks. Her dress colour and that purse. His suit colour. But I hate fucking sunglasses like this. He wears them all the time in interviews as well. He either needs to come out and announce he has retina issues or take them the fuck off.
The pants are ill fitting. It's not about weight. Imagine the bottom of this suit being a skirt with a high slit, even at the back, and a bold coloured shoe.
Gorgeous but she can afford to have her hair done and should have.
Grandma called she wants her curtain back. I want to say I hate the choker too but I don't think I do. I think it reminds us how young she actually is.
And Kristen Bell takes the lead over Mandy Moore's cleavage. I love this girl. She's hilarious and sweet, and drop dead gorg'. Her and Dax Sheppard in the Samsung commercials are the best.
I love Kathryn Hahn. She is the foremost reason to watch the movie Bad Moms. The characters she plays are always hilarious. I like the suit, even the bra, but that hair should have been up, and those bangs grown out.
I have to say that I love this. I love the blue, the floral, her face, her hair, the necklace and she definitely takes the best boob award. While the plunging necklines of both Kristen Bell and Mandy Moore were ah-mazing, these things are like pretty little globes in their own right and this dress is the perfect display case for them.
It's not easy to look this elegant with them things!!! Bravo girl.
And then I find this picture. This shoe is the stupidest thing I've seen in a long time. How short is she? Nope. She just failed in my opinion. That's ridiculous. All the class in her outfit derailed.
Sophie Turner is edgy. This dress is edgy. I think I am okay with it. Again, her hair could have been in a high pony which would have better suited the edgy dress I think.
Speaking of quirky. Love Janelle. This whole outfit perfectly suits her. I am not okay with the lice in the hair look but the rest of it, so her.
Don't know who this is. Someone needs to talk to her about her decision making skills. Boring.
If I had to guess I would say this is another Louis Vuitton dress. I love this girl, I love her face, her hair. I am just not sure on the El Machina look. I am not good with the high fashion haute couture stuff. I am just a housewife.
Little bird.
Get it?
You are not over 40. Come on, live a little.
It's a pantsuit and I kinda love it. And her.
I don't know who this is but I am sure she is not actually the mermaid she thinks she is.
The stick em note reminding her to tan up the boobs must have been lost.
This is what happens kids when you play with fillers. Sad.
Howard Wolowitz, who knew? I know one thing, no socks in a tux is wrong and you shouldn't hold your mother that way.
She's so beautiful. The face, the hair, the lips.....and then haute couture threw up on her.
And the award for the most consistently awkward posing goes to. The colour totally washes her out and something about the booby holders screams "look, I have little booby holders in my dress". Don't like it at all.
"I am a Columbian Queen" and then defense rests.
She's one injection away from making her smile the Joker's.
Kind of perfect. Her waist is the size of my thigh. I ate some chips in her honour.
Sienna is a quirky little fashionista too. She said when being interviewed that she had to hold in her tummy. Relate girl. I can relate. On a totally different scale but sure, I get ya.
FINALLY!!!! Fucking finally I can say I thought Guiliana looked beautiful. She is so tiny. She needed this full skirt and a high neck to accentuate her beauty. It's perfect and I like it.
Not sure who this is but the hooker would like her dress back for the midnight walk about. Too far?
Awww Nancy, no.
I really love this dress. Not sure about the "I can't be bothered hair" but I love this dress and her makeup.
Nailed it, as per the use.
If the purse and her lips were red I'd be better sold.
I love him. I love the suit. I can't sleep with him in my dreams with the 'stache but I still love him. He said on the red carpet, "if my character can make people be better men, better fathers, then that's great. I hope it does". *sigh* Maybe tonight I will have him shave first.
Oh honey, Audrey is gone and this isn't the place to play dress up that way.
Well they are pretty I can say that. I am not sure I like the dress or not. It suits her though and now that she's stopped freezing her face she looks lovely.
Speaking of frozen faces. Kelly's grin hasn't changed since she married him. It's a little reminiscent of Kellyanne Conway. "What the fuck have I done? When will this end? Help me, I am being kept against my will. I didn't know."
Travolta caught on camera at the gym last year. Hmmmmmm.
I should find a better picture of Miss Underwood without the thing down the side but either picture is going to have the same comment, "I am sorry Pepto Bismol vomited all over you". Not a fan of the dress. She's so pretty. She could have done so much better. She said she picked the dress out the night before and I said to the TV, "see what happens when you leave things to the last minute?"
I think this is the girl from Grey's Anatomy, I am not sure. What I am sure of is you shouldn't wear your bra under a strapless dress.
I love Busy Phillips. Michelle Williams best friend who accompanies her to all the award shows while praying she will be noticed and hired to do something other than half hour sitcoms. I think I love this dress, purse and all her sunniness.
Crushed it Reese. Va Va Voom.
SWEARING!!! You've been warned. I fucking love this colour. I love this on her against her ebony skin. This makes me happier than being presented with a butter tart. NAILED IT! She looks perfect. Pure joy.
She's so beautiful and so talented and I hate everything about her outfit. He's done alright. His face bugs me but what can ya do?
I like this on her. I like the shorter do. I am a fan. Way to show dem' gams off gurl. Next time let's Michelle Williams ya up with some statement lips k?
Pee Wee Herman called.
Pregnant wife or daughter. You can get the chills and look that one up yourself. *shiver*
KICKED IT OUT OF THE PARK for little girls and boys everywhere. Evan Rachel Wood just keep doing what you are doing and being you.
I like em both.
You won't be a virgin for long in this dress missy. Loved it. The sequins were all like little strings hanging off her. Like icicles.
Gawd. Bleck.
No socks no service.
Seriously, Mel Gibson called.
So young. So pretty.
This is how we do it baby.
Noisy dress, everything else quiet. Take notes Olivia Culpo, notes.
Donald Glover. Only man who could pull this fucking look off. I love it.
To compete with Ryan and Blake, Justin and Jessica, we have Chris and Elsa. Sigh. I know you are staring into her nether region area. That's why he looks so pissed off.
Nope. Too thin for this look. Too harsh in the hair and makeup department for her age. I love her, don't like anything about this.
Once a bond girl now an Italian mother in mourning.
Winona only your show is set in the 80s, only your show. It's called acting.
Yeah that's right, she's fucking pregnant. *sigh*
67! 67! I have nothing bad to say, nothing. Zero. Zilch.
I love it. I hate it. I need to throw water on it. I don't know.
Elvis is in the building ladies and gents. She's so lovely. And her acting chops on her new show. Phenomenal.
"High on a hill was a lonely goatherd......" *sings*
"Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo"
Sylvester Stallone's daughters. Go ahead, date one, I dare ya.
Love it, hate it. Same way I feel about her too. It's on, it's off. I think I really like it, and her, right now.
See, really liked her here. Who sits on the red carpet. Someone confident and unassuming does that's who. And I like that. Show me your stretch marks girl and I will show you mine.
Beautiful people, the beautiful people. Look at her arms. She has the best arms in Hollywood, rivalled only in the USA by FLOTUS.
I love hate the dress. I love it for her, on her. I would hate it on me, or anyone else.
And finally, sneaking into first place as the sexiest duo of the night, Marco and Zoe. She is without a doubt the only woman who could pull off this dress with the success that she did. The only woman. I love this dress ONLY because it's on her. Anyone else trying it would have failed.
There ya go peeps, my take on things I know NOTHING about. You're welcome. Perhaps tomorrow I will do an after party fashion review in my jammies.
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