Monday, January 9, 2017

The 2017 Golden Globes by Me

It's award season time people, I am up, on the job, a little manic and in my best track suit, as always.  That's a lie actually.   There is no suit in my track, just track pants and a mismatched shirt.  My sweatshirt reads, "No Patience for Stupid".  But I do take this award shit seriously.  I had a salad for dinner.  That's how serious I take this.  I didn't want to be bloated.  The bag of chips beside me is only in case of an emergency.  The chocolate almonds are protein to keep me going.

The opening act for this years Globes was a musical number with Fallon and almost every other star on the planet, pre-taped a la LaLa Land.  Did you get that? "A la, La La".  I am a word play genius.  The LaLa number was cute enough but it got funny when it went from outside in.  There was Jimmy Fallon playing the piano with a piece of hair flopping in his face very Ryan Gosling like, and the camera pans to Ryan Reynolds lying romantically across the piano.   In keeping with the romantic theme, Fallon sings, "your breath smells minty fresh". Reynolds shows him the mint in his mouth and proceeds to spit it from his mouth to Fallon's very Deadpool-ishly.  Tina Fey makes a short appearance for a giggle then it moves to Fallon's bromance with Justin Timberlake.  All the male on male romantic undertones made me quite happy.  Take that Pence.   I was surprised Trump didn't Twitter about it.  

And so the show began...and the teleprompter went down.  Fallon isn't that funny without a good team of writers behind him.  After the commercial break on returning post teleprompter flub Fallon said that Mariah Carey had called and thought that the Hollywood Foreign Press was trying to sabotage him.  Not sure if that joke was written prior, and the teleprompter thing was a bit, or if someone wrote the joke for him over the commercial break.     

Fallon did an okay job.  In this show he doesn't have to do much, the bits are more the presenters than the host.  It was kind of boring really save for Meryl Streep and Viola Davis which I will get to in a bit.  Fallon did have a few good lines.  He pointed out Matt Damon saying, "best acting role, telling Affleck he liked Batman vs. Superman".  He followed that one with, "the ballots for tonight were counted by Ernst and Young....and Putin".  And, "the Golden Globes, one of the few places left that honours the popular vote".   

I don't think the production staff of the Golden Globes are going to win any awards for this show.  It was only minutes into the show when the teleprompter went down, one of the mics sounded like it was dropped and the camera angles were really weird.  Not that I mind but during Ryan Goslings acceptance speech I think they might have been checking his pores.

I have to say I liked seeing all the black people nominated.  It doesn't appear to be the Snowy White Globes this year.  The crowd was full of black people.  I don't know if they were trying to make up for last year, if this was a direct lashing out against the ultra right wing about to come into power, or Hollywood just decided to give black movies and talent a try.  It was a refreshing change.  In keeping with that Tracy Ellis Ross, Diana Ross's daughter for the record, won for her role on Blackish which is not only a hilarious role but a great show.  And then almost immediately after Atlanta won for best TV Series.  That was like two black awards in a row!  What must white Hollywood be thinking?! 

As with all the award shows the camera constantly moves around scanning the crowd for reactions and candid interactions.  *air kiss*  *air kiss*  Some of the highlights were Meryl Streep and her husband who seemed to be playing with the oversized sequins on her dress which I found entertaining.  There was the woman who had kicked off her shoes and was sitting barefoot, bravo for such a bold move and camera work.  Then there was the guy saying, "fucking great" regarding an award win.  How about the woman with red lipstick smudged across her teeth?  Good going cameraman, epic moment indeed.  Let us not forget to continually get shots of Michelle Williams whispering to her bestie and date Busy Phillips.  There was the inspiring shot of Denzel Washington completely zoning out and staring off into space so blankly that I wondered if he was such a good actor he could sleep with his eyes open.  John Travolta was on camera a few times.  I think the cameraman was trying to see if his facial expression would, or could, change.  It was exciting stuff.  

Annette Benning walked out on stage with all the grace and dignity of a fucking lioness.  And she was whistled at like she was crossing in front of a construction site?  I mean she is hot, and fierce, don't get me wrong, but really?  A whistle?  It's Annette Benning.  She's just a bit too classy for that shit.  That's Warren Beatty's wife.  Of course he could have been the whistler but he didn't look impressed.  In love, but not impressed.  

Hugh Laurie won for The Night Manager which I loved and he accepted his award wearing a plaid tux, that's right plaid, which I also loved.  Dark blue and black plaid.  And he said, "thank you for awarding me the last ever Golden Globes".  Followed by, "with words like Hollywood, foreign and press, well.....", referring to Mister Trump and his opinion of all of the above.  Not bad House, not bad.  Here is the link to it. 

Dr. House

Did you know that the Golden Globe awards actually start at around 2 or 3pm?  That's when the food is served, mid afternoon.  Then for show time, it's just booze.  This is why after every single commercial break it's noisy as fuck because every one is drinking.  Most of the actors are at the bar.  Someone needs to explain this to me.  Do they go in and eat in the afternoon, then go back out to walk the red carpet right before the show?  In the opening act they showed all the stars in different dresses and suits dancing and singing with Fallon.  Did they go in wearing one thing, have lunch, go home, change and come back for the red carpet?  I wonder.  Things to look up.   You know you're Googling this.   

Viola Davis won for her role in Fences wearing one of the most beautiful gowns I've seen her in.  It was the colour of bright sunshine.  Gorgeous yellow sequins against her dark skin tone.  Just beautiful.  Her speech was lovely.  She knows how to give good speech, that's for sure.  It was an ode to her father who grew up poor and uneducated in a society unaccepting of his race.  Great right?  Then she had to go and mention her daughter whom she apparently named Genesis.  Why?  Why these names?  Genesis is a band.  Or a section of the Bible no?  What ever happened to Elizabeth, Nancy or Margaret.  If you are going Bible, how about Mary?  But if you can get past that, here is her speech.

Miss Davis  

I never watch commercials but being forced to sit and watch this entire shows means I have found out that Billions is coming back soon and E is running an 8 part series on Mariah Carey's life.  I assume it's pre-recorded and not live reality TV cause we know she don't roll that way so I will probably be okay to PVR it (NOT) for later.  The commercial had her in a sequins teddy saying, "doesn't everybody wear this around the house?"  Don't wanna miss that storyline.

After one of the aforementioned commercial breaks Cuba Gooding Jr came on to present an award basically wearing the same suit as Hugh Laurie.  He too was frustrated with the noisy drinkers so he yelled at the crowd in his "show me the money" voice to "si'down".  I would do the same.  I lose my shit when people talk over someone speaking into a mic at anything.  They need to figure out how to notify them peeps that the commercial break is ending and to shut the fuck up.  

Random I know but did Dev Patel have to grow his hair to look like a lion for the movie Lion?

Collin Ferrell
Ryan Gosling
Hugh Grant 
Andrew Garfield
Ryan Reynolds
and Jonah Hill

That was the list of nominees for an award.  And, "one of these things is not like the other", she sings in her head.  

Ryan Gosling is funnier than one would think for someone so god damn hot.  Because he was up against Ryan Reynolds he decided to let everyone know he was tired of being mistaken for him.  Then he spoke of his wife and her support of him while being pregnant with their second child, a toddler at home, and her brother battling cancer.  You could hear him choke up in his voice he spoke of her with such adoration.  I didn't think it was possible to love him more, but I do.  I gave my husband the stink eye immediately following his speech and he yelled back, "whaaaa-attt, I love you too?"  Here is his speech.

Gosling  

In case you missed it Andrew Garfield and Ryan Reynolds have a major on mouth kiss in the background while Gosling climbs the stage, to console each other I guess.  It was pretty funny.




Kristen Wiig and Steve Carrell are so ridiculous.  I love them both so much.  They came on stage to present the animated movie award and with total straight faces spoke of their first experience seeing an animated movie.  Both of their recollections involved parents leaving and their pets dying.  Oh and one grandpa disappearing.  It was pretty funny.  I love deadpan humour.  Kristen looks great.  Usually her fashion sense is a bit oddball-ish but she nailed it.   Here is their bit.

Wiig and Carrell   

The Globes did take a moment to honour Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds with a quick dedication.  I guess they kept it short because they don't usually do an "in memoriam" at the Globes.  It was a little lame honestly but they put it to the song, "You Made Me Love You" so smoosh went my heart.  I still can't get over the fact that Carrie Fisher was cremated and put in an urn that looked like a giant prozac pill.  


There she is.  Genius, even in death comedic genius.

I want that.  I want to be made into a giant Ativan so I can get through my own funeral anxiety free.  

There's a Fisher Reynolds HBO special coming out.  Unlike the Mariah Carey lifetime special, I will tune into this one.    

Viola Davis's introduction for Meryl Streep and her award was great.  She came on stage after the commercial and just stood there waiting for the rude drunks at the bar to sit the hell down and listen up.  She just waited.  Once things quieted down she dramatically went into her speech about Miss Streep.  And what a speech it was.  Incredible.   Here is her speech below.


She stares. That’s the first thing you notice about her. She tilts her head back with that sly suspicious smile, and she stares for a long time. And you think: Do I have something in my teeth? Or does she wanna kick my [expletive] — which is not gonna happen?
And then she’ll ask questions. “What’d you do last night, Viola?”
“Oh I cooked an apple pie.”
“Did you use Pippin apples?”
“Pippin apples, what the hell are Pippin apples? I used Granny Smith apples.”
“Oh. Did you make your own crust?”
“No, I used store-bought crust. That’s what I did.”
“Then you didn’t make an apple pie, Viola.”
“Well that’s because I spent all my time making my collard greens. I make the best collard greens. I use smoked-turkey chicken broth and my own special sauce.”
Silence. I shut her down.
“Well, they don’t taste right unless you use ham hocks. If you don’t use ham hocks it doesn’t taste the same. So how’s the family?”
And as she continues to stare you realize that she sees you. And like a high-powered scanning machine she’s recording you. She is an observer and a thief. She waits to share what she has stolen on that sacred place, which is the screen. She makes the most heroic characters vulnerable, the most known familiar, the most despised relatable. Dame Streep. Her artistry reminds us of the impact of what it means to be an artist, which is to make us feel less alone. I can only imagine where you go, Meryl, when you disappear into a character. I imagine that you’re in them, patiently waiting, using yourself as a conduit, encouraging them, coaxing them to release all their mess, expose, to live. You are a muse. Your impact encouraged me to stay in the line.
Dame Streep, I see you. I see you. And you know all those rainy days we spent on the set of “Doubt?” Every day my husband would call me at night and say, “Did you tell her how much she means to you?”
And I said, “No, I can’t say anything, Julius, I’m just nervous. All I do is stare at her all the time.”
He said, “Well, you need to say something. You’ve been waiting all your life to work with this woman. Say something.”
I said, “Julius, I’ll do it tomorrow.”
“O.K. you better do it tomorrow because when I get there I’m going to say something!”
I haven’t said anything. But I’m gonna say it now. You make me proud to be an artist. You make me feel that what I have in me, my body, my face, my age, is enough. You encapsulate that great Émile Zola quote that if you ask me as an artist what I came into this world to do, I an artist would say, I came to live out loud.
In my humble opinion, there has never been a greater actress than Meryl Streep.  Changing the category actress to actor to include both sexes I think she's in the top 10.  I honestly believe that.  She was awarded the Cecil B DeMille award by the Hollywood Foreign Press and rightly so.  She was nominated for 30 Golden Globe awards, winning 8 and had 8 Oscar nominations, with 3 wins.  Remember Silkwood?  I had forgotten about that one.  Now let's talk speeches.  Meryl look the entire time she had in the spotlight and to shine it directly on Donald Trump and his position on foreigners, free speech, the press, and his general awfulness.  

Here is the full text of her speech and below a link to the video of it. 


Please sit down. Thank you. I love you all. You’ll have to forgive me. I’ve lost my voice in screaming and lamentation this weekend. And I have lost my mind sometime earlier this year, so I have to read.
Thank you, Hollywood Foreign Press. Just to pick up on what Hugh Laurie said: You and all of us in this room really belong to the most vilified segments in American society right now. Think about it: Hollywood, foreigners and the press.
But who are we, and what is Hollywood anyway? It’s just a bunch of people from other places. I was born and raised and educated in the public schools of New Jersey. Viola was born in a sharecropper’s cabin in South Carolina, came up in Central Falls, Rhode Island; Sarah Paulson was born in Florida, raised by a single mom in Brooklyn. Sarah Jessica Parker was one of seven or eight kids in Ohio. Amy Adams was born in Vicenza, Italy. And Natalie Portman was born in Jerusalem. Where are their birth certificates? And the beautiful Ruth Negga was born in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, raised in London — no, in Ireland I do believe, and she’s here nominated for playing a girl in small-town Virginia.
Ryan Gosling, like all of the nicest people, is Canadian, and Dev Patel was born in Kenya, raised in London, and is here playing an Indian raised in Tasmania. So Hollywood is crawling with outsiders and foreigners. And if we kick them all out you’ll have nothing to watch but football and mixed martial arts, which are not the arts.
They gave me three seconds to say this, so: An actor’s only job is to enter the lives of people who are different from us, and let you feel what that feels like. And there were many, many, many powerful performances this year that did exactly that. Breathtaking, compassionate work.
But there was one performance this year that stunned me. It sank its hooks in my heart. Not because it was good; there was nothing good about it. But it was effective and it did its job. It made its intended audience laugh, and show their teeth. It was that moment when the person asking to sit in the most respected seat in our country imitated a disabled reporter. Someone he outranked in privilege, power and the capacity to fight back. It kind of broke my heart when I saw it, and I still can’t get it out of my head, because it wasn’t in a movie. It was real life. And this instinct to humiliate, when it’s modeled by someone in the public platform, by someone powerful, it filters down into everybody’s life, because it kinda gives permission for other people to do the same thing. Disrespect invites disrespect, violence incites violence. And when the powerful use their position to bully others we all lose. O.K., go on with it.
O.K., this brings me to the press. We need the principled press to hold power to account, to call him on the carpet for every outrage. That’s why our founders enshrined the press and its freedoms in the Constitution. So I only ask the famously well-heeled Hollywood Foreign Press and all of us in our community to join me in supporting the Committee to Protect Journalists, because we’re gonna need them going forward, and they’ll need us to safeguard the truth.
One more thing: Once, when I was standing around on the set one day, whining about something — you know we were gonna work through supper or the long hours or whatever, Tommy Lee Jones said to me, “Isn’t it such a privilege, Meryl, just to be an actor?” Yeah, it is, and we have to remind each other of the privilege and the responsibility of the act of empathy. We should all be proud of the work Hollywood honors here tonight.
As my friend, the dear departed Princess Leia, said to me once, take your broken heart, make it into art.
 Meryl Streep's Acceptance Speech

She is God.  Her dress.  Her speech.  Her beauty.  Her intelligence.  Meryl for President 2020.  As it did her, the last line of her speech brought me to tears.  



But alas, I said last night, and I was right, The Donald will have a comeback and here it is "folks" (as he would say).



The President of the United States lashing back on social media at an actor's speech.  An actor who doesn't actually have a Twitter account because she is busy, and has a life.  The USA is in serious trouble with this petulant child. 

To this I say sir, "take your broken heart and make it into art".  Maybe if he tried finger painting he wouldn't be such a douche?

Having a DJ on stage to play music, and people off stage, at the Globes was a really bad idea.  They had Questlove from Fallon's show actually on the stage.  When people went long in their speech he started playing music over them while they were still talking.  On the same stage.  Basically the actors could turn their heads and look at him, and snarl.  They had to walk past him to get off the stage after he rudely cut them off.  I am sure the directors would have insisted he do this to keep the show on schedule but putting him on the same stage was just awkward.  Just awful.  I can't imagine how badly that made him feel to do that to people.  Let alone how badly they felt having it done to them.  Here is just one example that was horrible for the winner of lead actress in a movie.

Isabelle Huppert

That was horrible.  

Just to cover a few little fashion items.  Chris Pine and Casey Affleck did their best Mel Gibson impressions which impressed me very little. 






Below you will find Vince Vaughan and Mel Gibson having to make it through Miss Streep's speech. As you can maybe ascertain from their faces they are both quiet Trump supporters.  Not supportive enough to show up to an inauguration, or any Trump rally (because it could lose them work for being so stupid) but supporters apparently none the less.  How do you like 'em now?


Meryl Streep will end you Vince.  I think Mel is actually just trying to understand it all.  He looks very confused.

The fashion post will be later today along with the after party looks.  But I did want to highlight one person in regards to fashion and I will do so again in the piece later.  

Evan Rachel Wood arrived at the Globes wearing a perfectly fitted tuxedo.  There was nothing stereotypically female about the tux.  It appeared to be a men's tux tailored perfectly to her body.  Her face was perfection, her hair slicked back.  It was very androgynous, and I loved it.  

She said about the outfit, "I always wear a dress.  And I love dresses, don't get me wrong, but I wanted all the little girls out there to know you don't have to wear a dress.  That they can wear whatever they want".  And that people, is how you walk a red carpet.  

So to the actors who have a message they'd like to get out on the red carpet beyond, "what are you wearing?".   Try tying that message up into what you are actually wearing like Miss Wood.  We all know that you are a walking, talking, advertisement for  the designers, of dresses and suits, shoes, purses, and the on loan free jewellery.  They dress you up and parade you down a red carpet and you complain when asked, "what are you wearing?" If you have something to say on the designer advertising red carpet take a lesson from Miss Wood please.   



Put that in your pipe and smoke it pussy grabber.   Here's hoping these gals keep sending positive messages to little girls everywhere replacing the garbage that came out during the election.









  











  



 

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