I am pretty
sure if I pee sitting down, get the occasional mani/pedi, and have boobs then
it's a done deal, I am a girl. Well that
and the fact I have an irrational range of emotions = girl. Don't make me show you ma' boobies! I've done it before, I will do it again. Mind you I was just trying to hail a
cab. Nailed it. Not only did I get the first cab, he threw
someone out of it to pick me up!
Probably should have been a little concerned about that but whatev’s had
places to be.
Because I
curse a lot and USED TO BE a real hard ass people think I don’t do girly. I was a hard ass, I had bigger balls than
most men. But I had them removed when I
retired from the “man’s world”, all girl now. So, I am here to say, once and
for all, I eat chocolate and potato chips once a month all day long like all
the rest of you girls. Okay?! And if you ask me about that, the chocolate,
on the day I am eating the chocolate, I will cry about eating chocolate. Because girls cry one day a month about the
potential for there to be no more chocolate in the world and that’s both sad,
and scary. And I am a girl.
Maybe I
don’t get up and put makeup on every day, I am retired, I don’t have to! My husband is a realist, he only cares if I
have clothes on or off not makeup on or off, and I know this. I know he could care less. Now don’t get me wrong, I doll up on occasion
and he likes it. We all know it doesn’t take
much more than breathing to get into a man’s pants so normally I do au natural
on the face.
A friend
once said, “track pants are not a real clothing group”. I beg to differ. If they weren’t, then why were they ever
created? If they were inside only pants
then wouldn’t they be pajamas? Victoria
Secret may have made a few bucks off bras but the Pink line of track pants is
where their money continues to be made.
I am aware, yes, they are made for teenagers. STOP JUDGING ME! I love me some big baggy boyfriend tracks, I
do.
Another
friend once commented “girl, get a real bra” when I lamented on about getting
out of the shower still damp, and having the sports bra become a rolled up tube
of immovability. Picture a spandex
tensor bandage wrapped around and around your chest then roll it up until its
one tube cutting off your circulation.
That is pretty much what happens when a girl with some junk in her chest
of drawers (like junk in her trunk but higher up), tries to pull a sports bra
on over her head with wet skin.
I am casual,
a lot. Today, black capri 100 year
cotton old tights, hi low ¾ sleeved cotton army green tunic with a cute twisty
key hold back, black cotton thong undies and for fun, a camouflage green
cotton sports bra that’s so old it should probably be burned but looks cute
peeking out of the neck of the top. It’s
old, it’s comfy and I love it all. Throw
on a cute jacket, wrappy like infinity scarf, sparkly shoes and makeup, I could
do a dinner up here, maybe not downtown Toronto even though I would.
I am posting
today to straighten that all out and to give you some insight into this girly
girl. My top five girly go to things.
1)
HAIR.
My hair is probably one of my
greatest assets. I brag about it a lot
cause it is stupidly awesome. It grows
so fast I can have short hair, above the ears and 12 months later it can be
shoulder length, at least. It can easily
be blow dried straight, doesn’t take much to get it there and conversely, if I
want it with beach waves, I just let it dry on its own. I can pile it all up on my head with one good
solid elastic, when I let it down the beach waves with be amazing. Yeah you read all that right, be jealous, it
is okay, you should be, really, it’s good hair.
But I do have a secret if you bear with me a little longer. I remember once getting up in the am,
showering, and letting it dry ever so slightly then piling it up on my
head. The rest of the day it remained
there. When it was time to go out that
night I pulled out the elastic and let it all drop. After having it up all day tightly in an
elastic had flattened the top a little at the hairline so I threw on a fedora
and the waves were down my back and my American sister who basically had just
finished a half hour of prep work and smelled like a can of hairspray told me
to go basically jump off a short pier. I didn't smoke one cigarette near her all night. I feared she'd combust.
This is dropped out of the elastic after a day hair. BOOOYAH!
So, if all else fails on a bad day,
do something great or fun with your hair.
If I am feeling a little down I will throw good tunes in the car, roll
down the windows, let my hair down and go for a windy drive. I know it sounds silly but it works, I love
how it feels. Let your hair down once in
a while ladies, it feels great.
On the subject, if you can afford WEN
by Chaz Dean, get it. You’ve seen the
shopping channel ads with Alyssa Milano and she’s not lying. It’s a cleansing conditioner, not
shampoo. No soap. And it’s amazing. I already had good hair, add in the use of
this stuff, just wow. I used high end
shampoo and conditioner this past week and my hair went limp, lifeless, dry and
dare I say it….like everyone else’s. It was
awful. If you can skip the cost of a
meal out a month, order it. I swear by
it!
2)
SHOES.
I have a bad back, always have. And I am a chunky monkey. Therefore I, Nicolle Weir, more often than
not, more often than I would like to admit, (oh it’s hard to say this out loud
after years of heels) wear comfortable shoes. *gasp*. I try to make them snazzy comfortable shoes
but they are comfortable none the less.
I was the queen of mean in a sexy pair of heels in my days in the “man’s
world”. I still have some, and I won’t
lie, invested in a few more pairs over the years, but flats are this girls “go
to” shoes. But I refuse to be a slave to
the bad shoe. I have at least, at a
minimum, 40 pairs of flat shoes before we even get into plain old flip flops or
sneakers. Then there’s 20 pairs of heels
of varying heights and heel width. And
20 pairs of boots, high low anything goes (holla thigh highs). I have a shoe to match any outfit, to draw
the eye from the hair to the foot and away from the ba-hind. Yup, that’s right bitches, have good
shoes. They don’t have to be pricey,
just pretty. Think Winners for designer,
Target for designer low lines. A great
pair of shoes can complete or compliment any outfit and give you that little
boost. We all need a feel good day, let
shoes help you walk around in it!
4 day course in Toronto. A girl needs choices.
Looking down and seeing these on my feet actually make me do a little dance. I love these.
3)
STRETCHING/EXERCISE.
Not only does this, if done in the
form of Yoga, make you feel good, and strong, it makes you limber. A limber wife makes for a happy what
now? That’s right ladies. Nothing sexier to a hubby than a woman who
can grab her own ankles. Back injury or
not, I stay limber for ma’ man! Wanna
feel sexy, have sex. That’s sexy.
Get it now?
4)
MAKEUP.
I’ve already said, I don’t wear it
often. I’ve already said, I am 43. What I haven’t said is that I used to
smoke. It was only for 30 or so
years. I like the sun. Things age.
Those things, include my face. On
a bad day I love nothing more than pulling out my magic in a box. It’s called Melina corrector cream by Boxx
Cosmetics. My friend created this makeup
line and Melina IS magic. It brightens
the face, it lightens dark spots and circles under the eyes. It makes wrinkles, less apparent and I
f*cking love this sh*t. Gosh darn,
there’s that trucker mouth again. Here
goes, I am very fond of this pallet.
Putting this on your face makes you feel younger. Add a tiny bit of powder, shimmery blush, and
just touch a mascara wand to the end of your upper lash and in 3 minutes you have
a new face. I have done this for a run
to the store or a casual night out and I swear I drop years off my face. When I
wake up and need a pick me up. If we
have company and coffee is more important than time “dolling up”, Melina is a
minimum must. www.boxxcosmetics.com
5)
Mani/Pedis
If you want to feel special, to feel
pretty, when all else is failing in your warped girly mind, go have a pretty
colour painted on your toes. Have your
nails done if you can. If you have no
nails, try some gels to see if you can grow your own. Once they grow get them coated in gel to keep
them strong and paint them regularly.
It’s not expensive. A nice nail,
short or long, painted or just polished, looks pretty. Makes your hands look younger. Makes you feel good. Sends a little couriered message to your
brain that you care about you, even when you think you don’t. And pretty toes, well in my mind, it’s a
must. Feet are nasty. They make me mental so if they are ugly on
top of being, well feet, that’s wrong.
And I will tell you it’s wrong. I
have to, it is my job. Paint ‘em or wear socks, the ONLY two choices
in life.
Freakin' ombre spotted nails. SO FUN. (yeah yeah, the rocks are nice too look at too!)
Of course there’s a million other
things to do for ourselves or do to keep our minds occupied, our hands busy,
our lives happier. Bake, buy yourself
flowers, decorate something, create something (I mean crafts not children), write,
read, music, exercise, sleep, water, good food, healthy food, healthy good
food, good healthy food….I like food.
There's nothing better than the smell of baking, tunes blaring, dancing while you stir!
$20 at Loblaws. Bought by me, for me, cause I love me. Be Stuart Smalley, tell yourself you love yourself and you are special. Then tape it and send it to me because I find that silly shit hysterical.
No, I'd be laughing with you....
And if all else fails and you still
aren’t happy….make then eat crème brulee because the world is a very special
place when crème brulee is in reach.
All I am trying to say is for god
sakes, once and for all, I am a girl and this is my proof. I do girl shit.
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