I had a visit with an old high school friend today. We used to ride the bus to school together. We were tight! Seriously I wasn't social then and I am less social today so truly we are friends on Facebook only because we attended the same High School. My plan was to meet him in the driveway, give him what he needed, and then run away and hide. What the hell would I have to talk about with this man? I hate small talk on a good day. We barely know each other. I seriously met him in the driveway. I would have thrown what I had for him but that would have been rude. I get Madagascar vanilla beans directly from Madagascar for dirt cheap and he's a really good cook who seems to love doing it so I thought he'd appreciate some. But I was nervous, what would I talk about with this man?
He lives in a different world than I do. He and his partner are both artists. They are both tremendously creative, liberal, very open minded people. In their Facebook photos they look like two hipsters out of the 50s in their personal style and decorating of their home. It's something I absolutely love but couldn't pull off if my life depended on it. Simply put, I am NOT that cool. I know it and that's okay. We can't all be.
I live in a conservative world. My life is very full of capitalists from my past in the finance industry. Many of my friends are middle to right wingers (some wing nuts even). A lot of them have closed minds and narrow vision. That said, I have some friends who are left as you can get but I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb sometimes with them too. I like to think I am evolving even as I type this. I keep creeping further to the middle, leaning a little to the left. I learn more about everything every day broadening my views. This friend appears much further along than I on the social evolutionary development scale.
So when I say I met him in the driveway, I really did meet him in the driveway. I sent the dog first because Brandon, that's his name, the friend not the dog, is a dog lover. I figured the dog would be a good conversation piece Well imagine my surprise when an hour and a half later Brandon and I were hardly out of breath talking world views, politics, and basically solving the world's problems. Heads up organized religion, in our world you're pretty much fucked. If the roofer had not come to do some work I think we'd still be on the front stoop shooting the shit.
Brandon said something to me today that hit me like a punch in the face. I have been in therapy since I came out of my mother's uterus. They sent me from there directly to a shrink because I refused to cry. I thought it might offend my mother and I didn't want to upset her. I have done group therapy, exposure therapy, DBT, CBT, in house hospital care, psychiatrists, psychologists. You name it, I have done it all. Because of that I have heard it all, read it all, and been advised with it all. Suddenly it was like a massive light when off when he said, "I was drunk with nostalgia" with reference to making bad choices. Choices he made that didn't reflect who he is today but based entirely on nostalgia.
"I was drunk on nostalgia". See that? That's world problem solving shit right there.
They always say, forget the past it serves no purpose. Don't look to the future as it isn't here yet, and stay in the present. That theory does have it's benefits. If we stay here in the present we don't long for the past, which cannot repeat itself no matter how miserable we make ourselves hoping for it. If we stay here in the present we don't worry about the future. Being the debater that I am and mental health advocate I don't like simplicity in complex situations. Simple ideologies that make light of human suffering and the solutions for the same piss me off. I have seen so much mental illness suffering. It's a fact that you have to address your past if you are suffering. Suffering often comes from a past we haven't let go of, addressed, or moved on from. The future to some extent must be prepared for to reduce anxiety in those that suffer with anxiety disorders. While I like the theory behind "stay in the now", it can be argued against when it comes to healing the mentally ill mind.
There isn't much to argue against on that fact that we make poor decisions when we make them because we are drunk on nostalgia. Nostalgia impairs your thinking. You cannot do things today based on what you felt "back when". Let's say your childhood home is still standing, falling apart at the seams, but still standing. Visiting this home would be one thing. Deciding you need to live there because it triggers feelings of your childhood is another. Being friends with someone today because you like them today is great. Being friends with someone today you don't get along with just because you were friends when you were children is another. It's the same concept of "the now" but better because it basically says nostalgia can alter your thought process greatly so don't make decisions while under its influence. Don't drunk dial your ex boyfriend! That sums it up perfectly.
I will no longer allow myself to get drunk off nostalgia and make decisions while in that altered state of mind. I think this gem he gave me today could help many and this girl can drink to that! *cough* Get it? Drunk, drink to....hilarious I know.
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