Music was how I lost myself and forgot my problems. 1999 was played so many times, over and over, in my cassette player that I had to buy a second copy. I can remember clearly putting it on when my mother would leave the house and playing it full blast very rebel like. I would dance around my room until my legs hurt and I was out of breath. It was almost manic looking back but I forgot my mental pain. Nothing existed but Prince and I.
Then he released Purple Rain in 1984. That solidified it. He was my saviour. He was my religion. He was a God. You think I am kidding but he was my everything at the time. I wasn't a happy child. I wasn't overly social. Most of my time was spent alone in my room, with him. I think I might have stuck around a little longer back then solely because he made me find happy moments. I know that sounds dramatic but it feels true.
The song Darling Nikki was also released in 1984 on the same album. I was 14. I hadn't even kissed a boy yet. The song was a little over the top for a girl of 14 but I loved it. I loved hiding in my room playing that dirty song and pretending that one day I'd be sexy enough for Prince.
For as long as I can remember I thought Prince was one of the sexiest men alive. Men often wondered if he was gay because of the way he dressed and carried himself in his high heeled boots. I knew he wasn't about sex, he was sex. He was so confident in himself and his own sexuality that he would wear whatever the hell he wanted, when he wanted. There were no lines he needed to stay inside of, he did what he wanted. He opened the door for so many people who wanted to fly their freak flag. I mean no harm when I say that, I don't believe people who don't stay inside the lines are freaks. It's just a phrase. Prince made it okay for anyone to be sexual, overtly sexual. Androgynous became sexy. Bowie started it, Prince affirmed it. They fucked up the lines for everyone, and everyone should be grateful.
Prince taught himself how to play guitar, piano, drums, and music. And he excelled at them all. I tried to play all of them too, we didn't share that bond. He was undoubtedly one of the greatest guitar players of our time. Not in a practised way but in a feel the music and play way. I was not.
Watch this video of him playing in My Guitar Gently Weeps at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and you will know why people like Eddie Vedder and Lenny Kravitz call him one of the greatest guitar players of all time.
Prince rips it
Seeing Prince in concert will be one of the greatest highlights of my life. Because of my anxiety in crowds I spent a fortune for VIP tickets to his concert in Toronto in 2011. He had set up the floor area of the arena like a bar with all high top small tables and chairs. I was 20 feet from the stage and later him. Upon first seeing him in person all I remember thinking was, "wow, he is so tiny" and yet shortly thereafter all I was thinking was, "my god, he is bigger than life"....."and sexy as hell".
I am positive I will never see another concert as amazing as Prince. While it was a big shiny show like so many others it was like seeing him in a small club all at the same time. I remember a few bars into a song he stopped his band and I heard him ask them to play the song that night in a different key. Just because he felt like it. It wasn't a so pre-rehearsed concert that he and his band couldn't handle it being a jam session more than anything. He frequently changed the song order and he danced only when the music made him. The concert made my best friend cry. When Purple Rain came over the speakers, she began to cry. This was our youth in front of our eyes. I welled up too.
I am a privileged white, 46 year old housewife, and I feel like life won't be as good without Prince in it. I mean, let's be real, I am sure I won't watch an entire Super Bowl again. He's the only performer I know that could pull off that entire show in the pouring rain. I am almost as sure of that as I am that it rained harder when he sang Purple Rain. He controlled the weather too I think.
RIP you beautiful talented soul. I hope your last minutes were peaceful. I hope demons aren't to blame for losing you but if so, I hope you didn't suffer because of them. Genius like this often suffers the disease of addiction and if it turns out to be true like many news outlets are speculating I won't think "such a waste". I will think, "thank god we got him as long as we did", just like I thought when we lost Robin Williams and Michael Jackson. The only other times I felt this moved. These guys were my childhood. They filled huge gaps that otherwise would have been filled with mental anguish.
Thank you Prince for making so many times in my life that much more bearable. And thank you for every single time I danced to Kiss and felt sexier than hell.
Love,
Nikki
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