Monday, November 3, 2014

"Hi"...a simple "Hello" can say so much.

As many people are aware, I suffer from Bi Polar disorder.  Due to a medication misbalance and general disease mismanagement, I found myself in need of some intensive care.  I checked myself into a treatment facility in July and stayed into September of this year.  (See Homewood Health Centre).  I spent 60 days focused on myself and my illness.  It was the most beneficial 60 days of my life.  Over the next few months I am going to share with you some of the things I learned on the "inside".  

I found myself very intrigued when, in one of the classes offered at Homewood, the social worker/therapist posed the following scenario and asked what our gut reactions would be:

 
You are wandering down the hallway at school, or work, perhaps the grocery store.  You see someone you know and you say "Hi" to them as they pass you.
 
They do not respond.
 
Do you:
 
a) Think they must not have heard me.
 
b) Think they are an asshole and rude (my words not the therapist's).
 
c) Think they must not like you.
 
 

This says a ton about you as a person, and your core belief system at play.  If, you answer this quick and with pure honesty. 

My first reaction was, "Asshole, jackass, mutha' trucka', rude.....", and then quickly turned into, "Why don't they like me?"

When I was honest I got to the root of it.  My initial response was to defend myself, get angry, blame them for bad behaviour.  If I sat in it long enough it turned to a place of self loathing.   Self loathing is hard to admit and sit in, so again, my initial reaction was to defend myself from that pain.

There were very few of us, struggling with mental illness (amazingly), that could honestly say, a) They must not have heard me.  In fact, only one did, in a class of 20.

Most went directly to c) They must not like me. 

I, am an angry, defensive person by nature because I don't handle real pain, hurt, well.  I don't like myself much (I am working on that every day), so for someone to re-affirm that in my mind is unforgivable. 

Take a second and think about this.  Answer it quickly and honestly and you will know in a manner of seconds if you have a solid foundation of self worth, hello a), or if you need a little tune up to your self esteem, b) and c).

I'd be interested to hear what happens, if you feel like sharing that is.  Obviously I am open to the whole sharing thing. 



FYI - 9 times out of 10, they didn't hear you.  There's always one asshole in the bunch.  LOL
 

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