DBPW Day 42 Hypocrite much gurl?

Yesterday I made this big preaching about all body types and how they should be accepted and admired.  We should celebrate each other’s beauty, not turn up our noses at people who are different than us.  I’ve caught myself when I was thin thinking in my head, “Man that woman is beautiful, if only she lost a little weight, there’d be no stopping her”.  I’ve done this.  I assume many others have too.    It’s so wrong.  Being fit doesn’t meal small.  Being beautiful does not mean small.

And yet here I sit questioning my own beauty.  It has to stop.  I am beautiful.  I have a voluptuous body that is hard, full of mass and muscle.  I have a gorgeous face and hair, well it’s every woman’s dream.  Right now it’s full and short, by summer it will be long.  I have beautiful meaningful tattoos on my body marking my journey to this point, to who I am today.  I have eyes as green as the grass with a twinge of the blue of the ocean when I am angry.  I have great skin that hasn’t wrinkled much with the full life I have lead. 

So why do I sit and think, I am unattractive?  Well because I am not a size 6.  I am not doing Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig, or some crazy assed fad diet.  Diet means “eating” by the way, look it up.  It does not mean, “lack thereof food”.  I have heard and seen what people think of a size 16/18, that’s overweight they think.  I mean some stores won’t even sell clothes that big.  I love food, I do.  But I also love to work out.  And I do.   I remember once a guy I worked with saying, “when you started here you were so fat”.  I had started my job at a size 18 and was down to a 12.  Nice of you to tell me basically I looked like shit when I first started.  Can you imagine how much I would like to see that guy today having gone back up to a size 16/18?

My husband thinks I am gorgeous, before chunky monkey, now, and he will think so after today whether I change or I don’t.  If only I could see myself through his eyes and his eyes alone.  Because apparently mine are broken.

I have a friend who’s likely lost close to a 100 pounds in the past year.  All I think of when I see her is, “God I wish I could lose that much”.  Or when I see a woman on TV like Chelsea Handler and I think, “If only I could be that thin”, or Jennifer Hudson on Weight Watchers commercials, “Oh I can do that can’t I?” 

Yes I can do all that OR I CAN;

Have acceptance, love, be grateful.  Honor thyself.  Love thyself.  Rinse Repeat.  No judgement.  Unless you’re a judge, then I guess ya’ hafta.

I am going to Florida in May, the first weekend.  I WILL be posting a bathing suit shot.  God help me, I is gonna!  "Excuse me sir, can you take 912 photos of me to choose only one of, thanks muchly".

 

 

 

I love these Boudoir shots (below) and I would consider this, and am.  I WILL share because I am just that generous and brave, and into myself. 

 

Bringing sexy back!