Oh boy did we have a good cry today. Well there was no "we" unless you count my multiple personalities. Just I cried. My husband and dog consoled me. I am feeling very unnecessary these days, like there is no purpose in my life. And purpose scares me. I know that empowerment says that fear holds you back from anything positive, from a future, from even enjoying the now. I know all this.
I am a strong, beautiful, intelligent funny woman doing NOTHING with her life but this wee blog. Sure I take care of a house, bills, companies, my husband, the kids when they are here and the animals but by comparison to how my brain used to work. I just watched a TV show where the woman said, "I was happy, and I just figured out who I am to be happy again". And I realized that's me. Where from here?
Between my husband and I we have decided that I need to go back to school. I can't handle the day to day stresses of a job yet, not right now. But school, perhaps. There are no promises but I can say I love to learn so I am looking forward to that. First off a course in May in Florida hosted by Louise Hay and Hay House with Dr. Wayne Dyer guest speaking. I need a bit of a push with this writing thing. While I am honest and open with the words, I am not the best at them....yet! Give me time.
I hope that 365 days of this blog can turn into a book for those suffering from depression or bi polar. I understand you, I get you. I know what it's like to wake up and think, "no, really, I don't want this, happy happy thoughts"...followed by tears. Like today.
I am not in the best mood, it's changing again down. But I can handle this like the bitch that I am. I will take this mood by storm, you wait.
Tomorrow's write up will be a big one, wait for it. I am taking on the body folks. Big, small, obese, anorexic, why can't we all just get along???
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