I refuse to give up my generosity. I REFUSE!
I've told you how I've been burned doing things for people in the past. I have been burned by those people but I still feel a great joy in the things I did for those same people. I loved the wedding I did, whether they wanted to pay up or not. I still love the things I did for the girl who then broke my heart. Arranging things for her, helping her through things, doing things just for her. Many other people commented on my generosity, saw it as beautiful. I find it so.
When I pull from my heart and it comes out as generous it feeds my soul. And I refuse to let a few bad apples take that from me. This past week, maybe the end of last week there was a link on Facebook and it was things people had done that were generous of spirit. Putting quarters on all the gumball machines for example. I said I was going to do more good things. I didn't even realize until today, I have been all week, but it's not different than any other week for me.
One day someone posted on FB their friends had lost their house in a fire and could people donate clothes and blankets, toys etc. to get them through to a new home etc. On it I was (that sounded a lot like Yoda..."on it I was Skywalker"). All over that shit. I have three industrial sized clear garbage bags full of women's, men's, and kids clothes and toys.
Another day I received some bras online shopping and they didn't fit. I asked a group I belong to, the Curvy Girl Guide, if there was someone in my size. There was, but money was tight. I sent the bras anyways, they will pay when they can, I will trust in that.
I spent last Friday, having an all about Nicolle afternoon before picking up my step kids. During that time I bought a "Tree of Life" ring and a friend freaked. She had the pendant and bracelet but hadn't been able to find the ring. Again, I packed it up and sent it to her and said, "pay when you can".
In the past I did a lot of giving without any expectation of payment at all but finances aren't what they used to be. I cut myself short much of the time but I still am proud I ask at all for any payments because it says I am valuing myself now a days.
Just today I received via online shopping three costumes that are gifts for a friend up here I haven't seen in awhile, for her babies. I just love doing stuff like that.
My one friend had a new baby and I have to say no daily to myself or else I would buy endless things to add to the large array of onesies I've sent, two practical life sized animals, and a winter bunny suit. I can't help myself. We are not poor and it brings me joy to give. I can't help it.
I refuse to let any one's negative behaviour to my generosity take it from me. Someone once told me my spontaneous generosity is my greatest gift. And I believe that.
How about you? Done anything nice for someone lately?
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