Me: I am in a bad mood.
Him: Why?
Me: You remember I am Bi Polar right?
Him: Maybe it's the weather?
Me: Maybe it's the Bi Polar?
Him: Maybe I should let you go?
Me: Probably best.
Him: Well, off ya go then, back to biting the heads of puppies.
*snort*
That guy, he always makes me laugh. I love that I have people in my life that just get this is me, sometimes how it is with me. I am not always going to be happy. I cannot do anything about it except remember the best parts of life and focus on those things. Do happy things, think happy thoughts? Sometimes that just isn't enough and you end up biting the heads off of puppies and eating ice cream in the closet in shame afterwards. It's just how it ends up with Bi Polar sometimes. Not always though. I need to remember that. I really am a fan of puppies most of the time.
It wasn't long after this exchange with my brother that a woman I know, who writes online, has several Blogs and websites she works for. She really is an editor I believe and she posted that she'd just caught up on all (well over 100) posts of mine and complimented it. She said that I "draw her in" and she would read a published book. I could get published. She would read me? Whaaaaa? I know I talk a good game about being published but really I am a big scaredy cat who will do all it takes to get published while quietly hiding in the corner. *peeks out* I will enter the contest, I will try to put my online Diary in a format to publish. I will send it out to publishers but I am really scared about it. What if? What if? Those darned "if's" will NOT hold me back.
Sometimes life knows you are being a bitch and slaps you in the face with good news just to snap you out of it. Sometimes we need it. I was feeling sorry for myself that my life wasn't enough. Now don't get me wrong, I realize I am riding high on this ladies compliments but it solidifies what I said the day before. THIS, this IS indeed, my life. It is enough, I am enough. I just have to remember that, to focus on that. I can do this thing called life and be somewhat successful at it in the meantime. And success might just be accomplishing cooking, eating, sleeping on some days. As long as I don't get lost in those days I will be okay.
I forget days like this, (see pictures below) are perfection. Watching my husband and step daughter light up these beautiful paper lanterns.
Here's my thinking as they were doing this (almost verbatim):
"Man the mosquitoes are bad for no warm weather yet. Little fuckers".
*snap snap snaps pictures*
"I hope these lanterns don't end up in the lake".
*snap snaps pictures*
"I hope they are biodegradable".
*snaps picture*
"What if they land on some one's home?"
*snaps more pictures*
"Man that would piss me off".
Why didn't I just sit and enjoy listening to my step daughter giggle and my husband excitedly saying, "it's still going Emma, look at it, look at it go". Sometimes when we get down we forget to enjoy the most beautiful of things that are staring us right in the face. And pictures, I have a love/hate relationship with them. While I want to post the awesomeness to all sometimes pictures make you forget to BE IN THE awesomeness. Least take a few then absorb, take a few, absorb. Be in the moments.
Well all I can say is thank goodness I snapped out of that mood.
Anyone out there need a good slap?
Happy to help.
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