*Make a little love*
*Get down tonight*
*ooohhhh*
*Get down tonight*
I wrote 100 posts in a row in as many days! I am very proud of myself. Dance with me a little will ya? *shakes rump*
Months and months ago my therapist who also happens to be my biggest fan where my writing is concerned forwarded me an email from a Blog Publishing company in Europe. They were looking for contacts, Blog Writers, in her field/speciality, eating disorders. I put it aside having no courage to even attempt such a thing as contact a publisher.
Sunday night as I went through my emails, catching up on to do's and correspondences I came across this message again. I was in a good mood, a confident mood so I drafted up an email explaining who I was and where I came from, what I was doing, where I was at. I posted my blog address in the text of the email and sent it off. 24 hours and a time difference later a woman in charge of Blog Publishing Reviews sent me a message asking me to format my blog entries into a manuscript for another review by their publishing company. That "they had thoroughly reviewed my blog, enjoyed it, and so long as the entries weren't defamatory (I do tend to lay out some folks), they thought me publishable". I forwarded the email to my husband and said, "Am I correct in assuming this is my first POTENTIAL publishing offer?" To which he replied, "Sure seems like it".
I posted a similar announcement on Facebook as I was excited. I did state I needed more information and was unsure but someone liked my words. Yay me! Even if they wanted to steal my life and publish it as someone else's, they wanted MY words. A whole lot of people said "Congratulations", "That's amazing", "You're amazing" and that one friend said, "Look them up and make sure they are legit".
So here I've sat since yesterday thinking, "Why was it necessary for you to shoot down my dreams when I had already noted I wasn't sure yet?" Why was pointing out it might not be legit your first GO TO place where I, where my writing, is concerned? I know this girl has always had writing aspirations of her own, so I wondered for a while if it was jealousy? But then, I also know this girl does care about me and tends to go to a protective place with me because I am Bi Polar so maybe...? Maybe she just went protective because she's heard of such illegitimate publishers before? But why wasn't her first reaction to congratulate me?
Here's what I realized this morning. Her reaction says NOTHING about me. It's HER reaction. Even though everyone else posted positively their reactions as well, have nothing to do with me. They are reacting to the news I posted however THEY choose to react. I mean sure there's some value to me in there or else they wouldn't reply at all of course but how they reply or whether they choose to or not, has NOTHING to do with who I am as a person, who I shall be as a person, what I shall accomplish, my accomplishments.
I have spent hours trying to figure out WHY she said what she said, why she assumed it was an illegitimate offer when I should have spent those hours thinking legitimate or not, they WANT my words! Even if they were going to rip me clean off, they wanted to do it with my words! I can't even say that's true or not as I am still waiting for answers about the ownership of the words. They are mine, end of story. Little pun there for ya, play on words, my words, end of the story. Get it? Stories have words. Okay, so, moving on.
Please, if you find yourself posting good news about something and someone doesn't react how you would prefer, don't take that and apply it to your own accomplishments thus drowning your light in negativity. YOU ARE doing that, not them. They just said what came to mind. You should wonder less about why they said it and more about them as a person. What possesses someone to shit on some one's good day? There's a million reasons and none of them have to do with anything other than you are having a good day and they are not. That's it. And maybe they aren't having a good day because of something really horrible going on in their world and you should feel badly for them not angry. Or like I said earlier, maybe they are just really worried about you for some reason. We can always assume there's GOOD reasons for reactions too ya know.
Remember anger is a REaction to something. Only you hold the key to that. Only you can control your REactions to anything. And if what others think of you is none of your business but instead THEIR personal business then you should have that much more to ignore shouldn't you?
Stop once in a while when you are about to REact to something and decipher if you are reacting because of how it made you feel. And if you, and only you, can control how you feel.....what's all this reacting about????
There's a lot of words up there so I am going to tell you a quick story to make it easier.
I am walking down the street and an obvious mentally ill person is walking towards me. I can see they are homeless and "off", muttering strange things to themselves and as they walk past me they look me straight in the eye and yell "YOU'RE UGLY" and keep going.
My REACTIONS are:
I am suddenly ugly.
I am ugly but I feel for the poor mentally ill person.
I am not ugly damn it and I will yell at the mentally ill person.
I am going to make fun of myself about this all day, because secretly, deep down I feel ugly.
Nothing changes.
You pick.
Fuck I am so suddenly ugly.
*insert more work to do here*
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