Good news!!!
I haven't killed anyone yet.
I got up this morning and headed into town for my Tim Horton's coffee. As many know I live in the country on a lake. The area's environmental groups put up "Turtle Crossing" signs at each point lakeside where the opposite side of the road is a marsh. There are constant turtles crossing the road. It's a paved road at only 60 kms (37 mph). How a person can't see, how they miss a turtle the size of a dessert plate is beyond me. This morning as I pulled off to the side of the road, there in the opposite oncoming lane an asshole almost hit the turtle I planned on moving across the road. They are both still alive, the turtle AND the man I screamed "asshole" out before picking up my little reptilian friend. I don't know how you can't see these beautiful creatures especially with the warning signs. Breaks my heart when they tuck into themselves, into their shells, as a car misses them by inches. I swear on all that's Holy, I would have followed the guy had he squished the little fella.
We've made it to day 2 now of going back on the anti-depressant we were trying to wean me off. I was having some side effects on the drug. It was counter acting with my other drugs giving me horrible anxiety attacks. We've decided after poor results due to the weaning, we are going back on the drug, just at a lower dose. I was losing my mind with anger off the drug. My temper got out of control when I got down to one pill a day. I was on 3 originally. It was awful for me, worse for my husband. Because it's just him and I most of the time here, I was directing all my anger at him. It really was horrible. Suddenly I hated him, couldn't stand to be around him. No matter what he said or did, no matter how hard he tried. I tried, lord how I tried, not to let it show but it was too powerful. The harder he tried the more I had to tell him to stop trying. Was making me crazy.
We are doing this adjustment of the drugs on our own really. The shrink knows and has agreed to this weaning off a couple of drugs but he doesn't know what the side effects have been. I don't see him again until May 26th, five weeks after we started this process. I have to say, you don't get a lot of support in this day and age from doctors and the like. It's up to me to monitor myself and report back to the doctor's whenever I can get an appointment to see them. Usually my appointments are at least 2-3 months apart and to get into inside that time it has to be an emergency really. I guess it's like anyone else, you only go to the doctor when you are sick. It's not like a doctor can move in here and watch me and my brain.
I was so relieved when my step daughter arrived that the anger in no way was directed at her. *sigh of relief* Not at all in fact. I have a step daughter and step son. She is the only one here this weekend. Probably for the best because if they fought, not sure how well I would do handling that. The boy, 16, prefers when he gets the chance to go hang out at his millionaire uncle's place. He has all the fun toys up at his place. Not many I know have a full go cart set up on their property including a paved race track!
My poor step daughter is up here for the weekend with a cast on her foot. She broke the bone that runs along the side of the foot. Likely running around like she was wearing running shoes but in fact was in a pair of flip flops. She wore her crutches, cast and one flip flop to come up here. A flip flop and crutches? COME ON! Sounds like very stable footwear for the opposing foot to a cast don't you think?
Poor kid has her birthday party weekend up here next weekend with all her girlfriends and she has a broken foot. I hope Tuesday she gets a walking cast but only time will tell. Girls are horrid little playmates. All her friends will go ahead and do thing she can't do if she's in a full cast. Swimming, tubing etc. I have asked her to really make sure she still wants this weekend before it's upon her. If not she will end up upset calling for her step mommy (which I kind of love). She gets herself worked up sometimes when too many people are around her. Says things like "they're giving me headache!" through tears. Women tend to do that honey. I always tell her that there aren't a lot of people I can be around, girlfriends and all in too small a space or for too long. There are some exceptions to the rules of course, being the besties.
I am glad we are adjusting the drugs to alleviate the temper before next weekend. 4 tweens and a woman with an overdrive temper not the best mix. If my temper was still as bad as it was last week I'd leave for the weekend. Go and take it out on my parents. LOL I don't think it's wise for these two things to confront each other, temper and tweens. Nope, not gonna happen.
So wish me luck people. I hope I don't get anxious from increasing the dose today and I can just find the balance I need to avoid hurting children.
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