Finally, SLEEEP!!!! I threw in the extra E just to emphasize, I slept.
Unfortunately I also have this damn antsy feeling again. I think I have to keep working on the meds. Oh well. That's okay. This does not ruin life or even my day. Instead of sitting here feeling antsy, then getting upset and overwhelmed, I latched up that horse of mine and took him for a walk (horse = dog). Add this flu, to a week off the gym, and I actually sat down at the top of the hill on our road. I could have cared less that I probably looked like a pathetically chunky monkey sitting pretty much in the middle of the road. The dog was curled up beside me panting as hard as I was. Actually had anyone come by they would have laughed at the two of us. I considered drinking from the runoff stream then I thought about the horses and cows at the top of the hill and re-thought that idea.
We kept on going and we made it, top of the two hills to the next main road and back. I really was concerned I was going to have a heart attack. I walk briskly I guess? Fuck am I getting old. "I walk briskly". Jesus. The good thing was the chest pain was on the right side not the left where my actual heart is. I needed to burn off the cake we had last night and my gym wasn't open this morning. I finally am ready to get back to the gym after this flu. I cannot believe how hard that cold took me down. I haven't experienced a flu like that since I was a kid.
As I have mentioned I am cutting back big time on processed carbs. Breads, rice, pasta, fries, chips, and baked goods. It's time. I have been enjoying the good life for a while where food is concerned and I have paid the price. Not just weight. Weight or my size IS NOT the issue. It's not as superficial as appearances. It's the fact that I have chronic pain and chronic pain does not need to struggle against weight. Also my Psychiatrist was adamant that processed sugars and carbs have to get out of my diet. It's funny because he said it before but this time I had taken my husband with me so I couldn't back out. LOL I considered it.
Basically since Monday I haven't had more than 1 slice of high fibre, zero grams of sugar, bread in the am with eggs. One day I had half a cup of white rice with salmon. Last night we went out for dinner and doesn't the waiter put the bread plate beside me. Why did he choose me? Sure yeah, put the freshly baked French baguette chunks next to chunky, seems fair. ARGH! I moved it. I also didn't eat the potatoes on my plate. I was a proud little monkey because I knew I was going to have some cake. I make my step daughter the same cake on her birthday as my step mother used to make me for years. I had to have some. It's like my childhood in a cake. Hmmmm food link to my childhood, shocking. That's so rare, a person to relate good times to food. Unusual for sure. *snort*. Comfort food? Never heard of it.
The best part of this weekend, besides the cake, has been step daughter's reaction to getting a skateboard. She is beside herself. Because we have a long flat house, a ranch, she can skate from one end of the house to the next! Both boys have been playing on it too. It's been quite amusing. I think I was more amused by that then when my husband tried a handstand. Shit no, not on the board! I wouldn't allow that. He thought about it. I am not sure which was more entertaining, his thinking he could do one or had I let him try.
Oh my, the sweet tooth pull, she's strong. I have 3/4 of a cake left. *shiver* No no, I didn't eat the entire thing. I had to put it all in Tupperware though and in doing the cutting I may have made a slight mess, bad lines. To clean it up, I may have had to eat a piece or two with ma' fingers. Picture it, slowly. It was NOT a scene from 9 1/2 weeks. I had it all over my fingers and had to run to the sink as it was falling off them all the while checking over my shoulders for anyone to see me. It was a carb eating cartoon at best. I should probably go take another walk! haha The pull to satiate my childhood with cake is a strong force. I will tell you more about that, the childhood in another post. It wasn't the worst or the best. All things said, it could have been worse, it always can be. Oh well, I did say the weekend, Saturday Sunday, would be the cheat days.
What I have to say about this, is the sugar high is ridiculous. If you don't take it in for a while and then overload you will get the sweats, least I did. And a tummy ache, and joint aches. UGH! I don't think I am going to be able to enjoy sugars again. I really don't feel well. It's amazing! All anyone with a sugar addiction needs to do is go cold turkey then have a lot and WHAM. You might just end up off the sugars. Maybe. I lie. I can take my Chelsea buns as I say this and my mouth waters like Pavlov's dog. DAMN DOG!
How was your weekend?
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