Thursday February 6th - Day 4
Well hello there, nice to see you today. How's things?
This is Day 4 of my journal with you, for me, for others in regards to living with Bi Polar disorder. Today is a good day. I feel like a normal person. Just your average Joe. Maybe it's sheer exhaustion.
Side bar; Do you think Joe's are tired of being called "average?"
Wednesday, yesterday, I woke my husband from the couch at 1115pm and said, "Let's go honey". We piled into the car and sleepily drove all the way from our home in Bobcaygeon to Toronto for me to get a spinal MRI. That's 2 hours. We arrived shortly after 1am. I waited for about 45 minutes for the appointment. Not too shabby considering how long the waiting lines can be for these machines.
When they came to get me for the MRI they ask the standard question of, "Did you take anything in order to be able to do the MRI?" My reply, "Well no, I didn't take anything so I could get this MRI, I took something just cause." LOL It was the truth. That garnered an odd look. Then I corrected myself with, "I tore something in my back/glute area yesterday so I took stuff for that, my muscles have been spasming uncontrollably since". They put me in the claustrophobic machine and squeezed me in for about half an hour. That's just a short one. Thank god they put a lift under my knees to take the strain off my back. I was as comfortable as a girl could be with a bad back being trapped in a machine made for someone half my size. The problem was the end of the test. After half an hour of no movement whatsoever when the technician said, "Okay you can get up now", I had to reply, "Nope I cannot". He lent me a hand and when I sat up ohhhhhhh the spasms. I contorted my body and started to cry. He asked if I needed an ambulance or the Emergency department? I had to explain that I had hurt myself and thought it would calm down if he would just pick up my boots for me. UGH! Man was that ever painful. I almost had the hubby take me to the ER, I just figured with the pain meds I already have they'd just tell me to take those. So we drove home. 2 hours in the car after sever muscle spasms. Needless to say he sober and I was pharmaceutically stoned out of my mind. I am pretty sure I said "wheeeeeee" a few times as he drove.
When we arrived home the dog was ecstatic to see us, all smiles and jumping to my shoulders. That helped. Well it actually did, his happiness to see me makes all my pain go away, mental or physical. By the time I was in my pajamas and ready for bed my husband was snoring already under the covers. He was like Spiderman, I didn't even see him get in bed. I think he might have been fully dressed too. The back kept me from sleeping for hours so I just resented him to kill time while I was awake writhing in pain. By 6am this morning I fell asleep. I didn't officially wake up until 1030am.
Mood wise, like I said, might be too tired to be in a bad mood, or in fact my down time, the tail spin, is over. Did I tell you about getting the wrong order at Tim Horton's yesterday? Well, I got another one today. Free upgraded sized oatmeal. Ordered a small got a large. And again, who am I to skip out on free food?
Now that we are all caught up, let's read and talk about some inspirational words.
Take no offense. That which offends you only weakens you. Being offended creates the same destructive energy that offended you in the first place—so transcend your ego and stay in peace.
In other words, get a hold of that ego and then let it go so that when it's attacked, it's not there to care. I am the worst offender for this. I get offended by people who aren't even thinking of me at the time. You think you offend easily. You could be sitting having dinner and I assume you are thinking bad thoughts about me. You fall down across the street from me, I will yell "Sorry!" So silly. I work every day towards living on a plane where this will no longer be so. That I simply don't get offended. Imagine the bliss?
A friend of mine wrote the below take on Philip Seymour Hoffman's recent death. She's basically discussing how people are acting offended by his death. Like what he did is a personal affront to them, his family and friends. That the act of death was so selfish when he had kids and a family. How much his friends must be hurting? Now stop for a second and think about this. Here is a man so lost in pain and addiction that he couldn't stop himself from taking that final deadly dose of heroin. That a drug which took him to a place of peace and no pain was more important than his own self worth in the world. He had no value in his mind. Instead of looking at this through the eye's of others, how about through his eyes? I am not saying his family and friends aren't hurting so much they aren't sure they will make it but what about the man himself? Imagine the state he had to be in, the pain coursing through those drug filled veins.
I can relate. Not on the drug basis but an overwhelming desire sometimes to be out from under the pain of the lows of Bi Polar.
I can relate.
It's hard work, but you're gonna get there... and thanks so much for sharing the link, lady. xox
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