DBPW (Diary of a Bi Polar Woman) Day 3

I have grandiose plans on trying to journal here to you all for 365 days straight and be as honest as humanly possible about being Bi Polar.  Not to worry I also plan on continuing my silly posts about Pop Culture and things like Justin Bieber's need to kick his own ass.  He seems limber when he dances.  He just needs to bend one leg backwards and kick his own ass until his head falls out.  If he finds himself unable to do so with enough force to dislodge his head out of his ass, please be advised that I am more than willing to do the job.  if someone can get a hold of his people please let them know I will take on the task at hand, for FREE no less.  I am generous that way. 

Wednesday February 5^th, 2014 - Day 3

I didn’t sleep at all last night because of this apparent pull/tear in my low back/rear end, (glute area).  It's hard to sleep when you find yourself with a heartbeat in your ass muscle.  I fell asleep from exhaustion about 5am.  I would have been in bed still well into the late morning if all of the sudden I didn't hear a women's voice say, "Good morning" all happy and shit.  That gets you out of bed pretty fast, a strange woman's voice.  It was the cleaning lady and  I hadn't tidied the house for her *gasp*.  I got up so quickly I actually fell out of bed.  I was so shocked to hear a woman’s voice in my house it freaked me out.  I thought I was somewhere else, in someone else's house.  I had no idea what was going on.  I am 100% confident a video of me waking up this morning would have been a winner on a America's Funniest Home Videos.

I decided very quickly after that, back problem be damned,  I was going into town to get a very large Tim’s coffee (bite me Timmy haters, how unCanadian eh!).  All the way on the drive into town in my leg was twitching.  Gas on, gas off, gas on, gas off.  I felt like Ralph Macchio, *wax on*. 

 

Because of the meds I am on, I am supposed to have a minimum of 250 calories at breakfast so normally I make it at home.  Today having been shocked out of bed and not wanting to get in the cleaning lady’s way I ordered a 12 grain bagel *shudder* (oh no you di’ant…oh yes I di’ad!) with cream cheese.  I am aware, I need not be told, of the dietary goodness of that kind of breakfast.  Least it wasn't a donut.  Things can always be worse.  When I got to the drive in window there were two packages for me.  I said to the older fella workin’ the window, “I didn’t order two”, and he replied “take ‘em anyways”.  Well, who am I to turn down free food?  There are people starving all over the world and I am going to turn down food?  Shameful.  Turns out they were both cinnamon raisin bagels with butter, not even the order I placed.  But holy crappers you all, those things are so goooooood.  I never had them before, have you?  Yummmmmy.  It was a nice surprise this morning, quite a nice surprise.   I got home and gave the extra one to my husband excitedly saying, "You have to try this.  It's a raisin bagel with butter, soooo good!"  I think he thought it pretty amusing I found it so fascinating and delish.  

As you may have noticed my mood seems almost human like, almost normal today.   And it is.  Writing the last two days lifted some things completely off my shoulders and placed it onto the page.  No more OCDing over it.  I had a nice chat with my therapist today too and presto, done, behind me.  In the rear view window.   

I am over the grade school BS thoughts I was having. BS I created in my OWN mind no less.  No one is out there thinking of ways to make me jealous or envious, they are simply living their own lives and I am taking that information and making it about me.  That's on me.  That's my fault.  Even if someone insults you to your face, it's your choice to let it hurt.  You have a choice in that minute to decide the other party has issues or you do!!!!  Remember that.  Your insecurities or lack thereof dictate your response and emotions.

 

I only lick windows on special occasions.

And yes, I am aware, fully, that this is a drastic swing.  I went from staying in bed for days to, “Hey everyone, it's a beautiful day and a blessing to have a simple raisin bagel".  That’s the life of someone with bi polar.  It’s PMS 24/7.  I can increase my meds to prevent the swings entirely, or try to, but sometimes those meds can make you quite jittery and that's what I have found.  I see my doctor every 6 weeks and we will continue to work towards lessening the dramatic nature of the swings.

 

Positive side bar, at least I am not throwing bongs out my windows and asking Drake to murder my vagina (Miss Amanda Bynes).  On that note, I figure I am batting 1000 today!

BATTER UP!