DBPW - Day 72 Oh to be oblivious....

I've been struggling as of late as to how to stop worrying about life.  Where it is going.  I just finished worrying about where it was, *whew*, now onto what will be.  Gosh it can be overwhelming.  Money, marriage, kids, how long a dog will live....I am missing life right now by worrying about what MAY be.

In other words, don't do what I am doing!

Today as I worked out and saw my sweatshirt on the floor, it read, "Warning, No Patience for Stupid".  Yes, I made the shirt.  Surprise, surprise.  I couldn't help think of stupid people and how blissfully they are unaware most times of their stupidity.  Wouldn't that be something?  To be unaware?  I thought about it awhile and thought, it can't be stupidity that is happiness?  Stupid people do stupid things that lead to stupid problems."  That's not happiness.

I had the "aha" moment, *light bulb* overhead, when I was stopped at a light and I saw a little boy jumping in a huge mud puddle.  He came right out of both boots which suctioned into the snowy mud and he landed right on his backside barefoot.  Before the tears could escape his eyes he looked at the teacher headed his way and threw back his head and started to make snow mud angels.  Had the light not changed I would have video taped the kid.  It was pure bliss.   In that moment he knew he was gonna get in trouble from his teacher, then his mother OR he could forget that and play in the mud. 

Just let go and play.

I know each day we have choices.  Slow down to the speed limit or pass the car ahead of us.  Laugh when we fall down or cry out to those around us.  Look around at free time as a waste of time or a blissful gift.

We have the choice under many circumstances.  Sometimes we don't, almost always, we do. 

Don't get stuck, make a call, make a decision and see what happens, just "go with it".

DBPW Day 71 - Chin up gurl, chin up!

Back to the norm, thank goodness.  The flu is finally gone and I was able to go to the gym without wearing a full CDC body suit for fear of spreading the virus.  And I no longer felt like passing out when I moved, at all.  At the gym were all the normal group of ladies I typically see.  There was Miss Talky Pants.   The Mom who brings her special daughter.  I say special in all sincerity because she is very cute and very talkative and wants to be everyone's friend.  There was the lady who laughs at everyone's jokes.  And finally the lady I helped diagnose her vertigo as the same disease a friend had that is only helped through physiotherapy.  So needless to say, after a week off.  I wasn't given a moment of peace.  I wasn't sure whether to go with it, run out and hide, get angry or what.  Normally that would have made me crazy.  I like my gym time, usually, quiet. 

Last night I was lying in bed with my husband and I said, "I am worried about everything and it's taking away any joy I have".  He was quick to defend our life and love so that I got my head into a better space.  I realized in that moment how I was worrying so much I was taking my own joy away. 

In keeping with that thinking I said to myself today, "Self, get your head out of your ass everyone is enjoying your company, enjoy them and your own!"  And there was the smile and happiness.  It sometimes just takes a little pep talk.

After the gym I got in line at Tim's for my coffee.  The drive through took a half an hour!!  Do you have any idea how much smog that made.  I wanted to back out and park and walk in but I was stuck in a row of cars.  Apparently they were training new people.  I recommend more training.  I ordered a turkey sausage egg McMuffin type of deal.  I tossed pretty much all of it.  With my meds I have to take 300 calories or more and now I am trying to stay off bad carbs but I forgot to pack a breakfast.  I couldn't do yogurt there, too much sugar.  I basically ate egg, cheese, and turkey sausage with my fingers and I need to tell you, it was nasty nasty nasty.  I don't know who likes them over McDonalds egg McMuffins but I question their sanity.  Next time I have things to do post gym I am bringing a shake or smoothie.  No way I am doing that again.  Ewwwww.

Once I gagged that down I headed over to the local nail salon to get me some pretty toes and fingers.  I am so badly biting and picking that it was time to get some tips put on to get me out of the habit.  My fingers that is.  Even I, Miss Bendy, is not that bendy.  And to bite one's toes....OMG I just threw up.  My toes, well winter wasn't kind to them, like at all. 

New nails.  No more picking and biting, just admiring and clicking on the keyboard. 

I found the same thing happening in the nail salon.  I found that I was surrounded by annoying people and annoying things so all I did was accept what was.  I knew my nails weren't going to turn out the best because I ended up with the owners wife who doesn't do the best job.  I couldn't happy that away, but I could accept it.  They are cheap nails, I can fix them myself and they are "only nails", I thought.  My toes were excellent but they started to put designs on them before I could even say no.  I again, just went with the flow.  I left there as happy as when I went in!  It really is just a matter of changing your head space. 

New pretty toes.  I had to shrink this picture, made me gag. 

I am really struggling with this as of late.  Feeling like the world is not an easy, happy, care free place.  Like there is too much negativity.  I am really working hard to get my head around how good I have it.  I really do.  After the nails I went to the store and grocery store and came home with a few pick me ups just to add to a pretty much perfect day.  *sigh*  Now only to keep remembering and honoring those types of days.  I can do it.  Stupid people be damned, I am happy!

 

I love Mums.  I put flower in the flour container.

 

My new $10 clock which matches, although it's hard to see, the signs in my sun porch. 

 

 

DBPW Day 70 - Sugar? I don't need no stinkin' sugar....

Finally, SLEEEP!!!!  I threw in the extra E just to emphasize, I slept. 

Unfortunately I also have this damn antsy feeling again.  I think I have to keep working on the meds.  Oh well. That's okay.  This does not ruin life or even my day.  Instead of sitting here feeling antsy, then getting upset and overwhelmed, I latched up that horse of mine and took him for a walk (horse = dog).  Add this flu, to a week off the gym, and I actually sat down at the top of the hill on our road.  I could have cared less that I probably looked like a pathetically chunky monkey sitting pretty much in the middle of the road.  The dog was curled up beside me panting as hard as I was.  Actually had anyone come by they would have laughed at the two of us.  I considered drinking from the runoff stream then I thought about the horses and cows at the top of the hill and re-thought that idea. 

We kept on going and we made it, top of the two hills to the next main road and back.  I really was concerned I was going to have a heart attack.  I walk briskly I guess?  Fuck am I getting old.  "I walk briskly".  Jesus.  The good thing was the chest pain was on the right side not the left where my actual heart is.   I needed to burn off the cake we had last night and my gym wasn't open this morning.  I finally am ready to get back to the gym after this flu.  I cannot believe how hard that cold took me down.  I haven't experienced a flu like that since I was a kid.  

As I have mentioned I am cutting back big time on processed carbs.  Breads, rice, pasta, fries, chips, and baked goods.  It's time.  I have been enjoying the good life for a while where food is concerned and I have paid the price.  Not just weight.  Weight or my size IS NOT the issue.  It's not as superficial as appearances.  It's the fact that I have chronic pain and chronic pain does not need to struggle against weight.  Also my Psychiatrist was adamant that processed sugars and carbs have to get out of my diet.  It's funny because he said it before but this time I had taken my husband with me so I couldn't back out.  LOL  I considered it. 

Basically since Monday I haven't had more than 1 slice of high fibre, zero grams of sugar, bread in the am with eggs.  One day I had half a cup of white rice with salmon.  Last night we went out for dinner and doesn't the waiter put the bread plate beside me.  Why did he choose me?  Sure yeah, put the freshly baked French baguette chunks next to chunky, seems fair.  ARGH!  I moved it.  I also didn't eat the potatoes on my plate.  I was a proud little monkey because I knew I was going to have some cake.  I make my step daughter the same cake on her birthday as my step mother used to make me for years.  I had to have some.  It's like my childhood in a cake.  Hmmmm food link to my childhood, shocking.  That's so rare, a person to relate good times to food.  Unusual for sure.  *snort*.  Comfort food?  Never heard of it.

The best part of this weekend, besides the cake, has been step daughter's reaction to getting a skateboard.  She is beside herself.  Because we have a long flat house, a ranch, she can skate from one end of the house to the next!  Both boys have been playing on it too.  It's been quite amusing.  I think I was more amused by that then when my husband tried a handstand.   Shit no, not on the board!  I wouldn't allow that.  He thought about it.  I am not sure which was more entertaining, his thinking he could do one or had I let him try.   

Oh my, the sweet tooth pull, she's strong.  I have 3/4 of a cake left.  *shiver*  No no, I didn't eat the entire thing.  I had to put it all in Tupperware though and in doing the cutting I may have made a slight mess, bad lines.  To clean it up, I may have had to eat a piece or two with ma' fingers.  Picture it, slowly.  It was NOT a scene from 9 1/2 weeks.  I had it all over my fingers and had to run to the sink as it was falling off them all the while checking over my shoulders for anyone to see me.  It was a carb eating cartoon at best.  I should probably go take another walk! haha  The pull to satiate my childhood with cake is a strong force.  I will tell you more about that, the childhood in another post.  It wasn't the worst or the best.  All things said, it could have been worse, it always can be.   Oh well, I did say the weekend, Saturday Sunday, would be the cheat days.

What I have to say about this, is the sugar high is ridiculous.  If you don't take it in for a while and then overload you will get the sweats, least I did.  And a tummy ache, and joint aches.  UGH!  I don't think I am going to be able to enjoy sugars again.  I really don't feel well. It's amazing!  All anyone with a sugar addiction needs to do is go cold turkey then have a lot and WHAM.  You might just end up off the sugars.  Maybe.  I lie.  I can take my Chelsea buns as I say this and my mouth waters like Pavlov's dog.  DAMN DOG!

How was your weekend?



 

DBPW Day 69 Awwww shucks, that guy I married...

*snort* I said 69.

 
And it's that ridiculousness, that silliness that my man loves.  He thinks I am the genuine craziness, but that's only natural, cause I am. 

I met Dan where we worked.  We both worked for the same company.  I started there, I think it was 1998 and he already worked there.  When I started, I was "fat" according to a trader who once drunkenly told me I had gained a little weight and should be careful as I didn't want to get "fat" again.  He was a charmer. 

I forgot to mention where we worked.  We worked for a brokerage firm.  An investment company.  We had a trading floor where stocks and bonds were traded and we had clients, both big company clients in one department and then individuals in another section. 

I worked alongside my husband in the big company client side.  I worked on the trading floor as a Compliance officer.  I was the one required to make sure that every transaction occurred, occurred legally within a set of rules and regulations that apply both federally and under local jurisdictions as well. 

I was great at my job.  I wasn't happy at it but great at it.  It's a tough pill to swallow.  Loving the power, hating the work and most of those around me. 

Dan worked on the same trading floor doing the trades.  He got yelled at, a lot.  I guess he got himself prepped for this marriage in a sense!  LOL

Dan and I were friends first.  We were friends for almost 10 years before we got together.  I don't know exactly when he moved out of his home with his wife but he wasn't single long before we got together.  

For years I had watched him feel very unhappy about marriage, being tied to a life he wasn't happy with.  But I was NEVER attracted to him, not THAT way. 

Each year our company held a charity hockey tournament.  Dan used to run it.  One year we ran it together and then I took it over myself.  At one of these tournaments I was selling draw tickets, 3 for $10 or around my chest for $25 where Dan called me on my BS.  He looked me in the eye after my 100th sold "around my chest" and said, "Does all this superficial attention actually do anything for you?"  How dare you?  What do you mean?  As if.......Damn you. 

In that moment I knew my friend Dan knew me better than all the rest.  He saw right through me.  I had interest. 

When Dan first told me how he felt about me he was married and seemingly happy until he got shit faced at one of our corporate parties.  He turned to me, pushed aside my date, also someone we worked with and said sloppily, "I love you, always have".  I said, "go home to your wife, you big dumb ass".  And kept my current boy toy from hurting him. 

It was years later he proposed and said, "I remember saying that to you, I knew you shouldn't have been with him but with me". 

 
I knew I wasn't perfect but Dan thought I was, or close to it.  He held and holds me up on a pedestal that if I could actually sit on, I would hold such a higher opinion of myself.  I am currently the weight I was when I first started at that company when Dan first saw me and fell in love he says.  So I have felt comfortable gaining the weight knowing he isn't going anywhere.  I have also felt comfortable letting myself dive right into these medical and mental illness issues as when we first met I was the closest things to a miserable CUNextTuesday as you could get.  He loved me then, he loves me as is, no matter what, to him, as long as I am happy, he is happy. 

I don't wear makeup unless I am going out or to work.
I don't get dressed up in any form unless I am going 100km from my home!
I don't trim my hips for any man.  I might do it for myself but these are child bearing hips and that's never gonna change. 
I am impatient. 
I can be jealous but not often.  You really have to push me to express jealousy which is MY emotion to live with.
I will always act like a child in fun, in sadness and vulnerability, because I was denied that childhood the first time around.
I am the most mature when it involves kids as they are the most important thing in the world.  The life span of a child should be so that they make us ponder all things good in the world and want to give them to the children.  No child should die unloved. 
I am covered in scars and marks, some I chosen to have done to tell my story.

I am Nicolle, and I need you to take me as I am.  I am who I am, and while who I am is ever changing, unless you accept me as I am, you cannot have me. 

DBPW - Day 68 Fatty Fish, I dare not judge....

Today was supposed to be dedicated to a fish.  A big fat rolly polly fish that really does look like a colourful tennis ball with fins and a tail.  This fish is gynormous and the biggest thing, round wise, I've ever seen.  To swim it has to shake its whole body side to side to get the fins and tail to move, it's hysterical.  Fatty fish, his name as bequeathed upon him by my youngest step child, has been floating at the top of the pond for the last two weeks.  Side ways.  :(  When you approach he shakes his rotund body until he's upright and swims down to the bottom.  Sometimes he flips over, upside down, over until he figures out which way is what and manages to find the way down.  Much like Rob Ford (Toronto's Mayor you may heard of, look him up) on a bender.  Sadly unlike Mr. Ford, we now cannot find Mr. Fatty Fish.  I think he's at the bottom and he's either alive or he's dead.  Which would technically mean he drowned and I just can't get my head around a fish drowning?  It's happened before.  We have a Koi/Goldfish pond, you are bound to have dead fish but on the bottom, drowned???  I thought they always died upwards, upside down usually.  They die from natural causes, not drowning.  Did another fish hold Fatty under? I find it very confusing.  Either or, I cannot get a picture of Fatty so I cannot write a post about him sadly.  

I still have this damn flu if anyone was concerned.  I had to cancel the in laws.  Even for them, this is too extreme a punishment having a whiny kid and the granddaughter sick.  See what I did there, I am the whiny kid.  Did you catch that?  Got it still even though I am sick.  Amazing really.   All I've managed to do today was get groceries and come home and shower.  Had to shower because I got so feverish shopping I was soaking wet when I got home.  Dan found me in the car in the garage.  After about 5 minutes of seeing my car pull into the garage he wondered what was up and I was just curled up in the seat all sweaty and weepy.  LOL  I am taking this flu in such great strides. 

Have any of you ever watched Cougar Town?  It is the stupidest show on the planet and I love it.  Courtney Cox makes me mental but the humor, god damn it's gold.  The rest of the cast of loonies are great.  It's just getting better each season.  "Is it you naked flopping around all over me, is that what you think will make me happy?"  BAHAHAHA  I cannot relate to all the wine drinking but there was a time I made love to vodka every night.  I mean it's normal to go to a concert with a tampon soaked in vodka up your non period whooo hawww right?  That's not indicative of a problem?  That's a girl having a good time before she was legal?  Right?  *shame*

Last night my husband didn't get home until well after midnight.  Typically on a kids night he's home by 930pm or so.  Turns out he dropped off some clothes my brother left here with my parents, aka my Dad and step mother.  Apparently from 8pm until 11pm my father was trying to figure out what happened in the last 7 years that has taken me to my knees this way, that has made me such a basket case and no longer successful.  Good lord.  Apparently he doesn't understand that Bi Polar can come on, and typically does for most in there 30s.  It's mostly women and that's that.  Problem solved.  Seriously, how difficult is it to understand that; a) you are not to blame father, b) I am successful in being alive right now, and c) the arts and crafts at the center I go to some day with find my true artistic self. 

Anywho, on that oddball not I will sign off to watch the rest of Season 5 of Cougar Town while I dabble in this writing thing in another format.  The book about a Fat Fish and a Father who won't accept him as is. 

Peace out. 

DBPW Day 67 *aaaahhhchoooooo* "Gazuntite" (sp Gesundheit)

Good evening my friends.  I am STILL, STILLLLL fighting this damn cold.  I have stopped doing anything but lying around because I need it to be gone for cake making, step daughter birthday celebrating this weekend.  The only respite I might get is the fact she has it too and bad enough she is on Tamiflu, the drug that tries to beat off the flu.  It's a bad one right now.  I haven't felt this off in a long time.  But here's the best part.  My dog hates to hear me suffer so every time I cough he checks on me.  In bed, he wants up and right in my face to sleep with me between my husband and I because Mommy is sick and needs doggy care.  I couldn't be more pleased about the attention I am getting from my dog.  It's a new thing that started in the last 3 months or so. Either I've been crying and snotty a lot or he's upset because Daddy had pneumonia and coughed so much.  Either way, LOVE IT.  I am just bathing in his love.  So if this illness wants to ride along for a little longer, so be it *sigh*.

 

 

I don't have much else to say because I am in illness hermit mode awaiting my health and then I can interact again with humans and entertain ya'll as I do.   I am still fighting off the bakery carb bug.  No desserts here for a week, no chips, potatoes.  I am, as I said, not going to be religious about this.  I happily had half a cup of basmati fragrant yummy rice with my salmon tonight soooo, I am not giving up all things carbs.  I make a mashed potato with the skins, spinach and mushrooms that's to die for.  It's going no where.  My own recipe home stuffing for a turkey, never not having.   Perhaps I will skip the other carb dishes for it though!  Time will tell.  This is how I managed to lose weight in the past and this is how I kept it off then too.  I cannot deny I have been down, and feeding that with food.  I have had boredom, and fed that down.  I have had heart break, and fed that hole.  I may still do those things but with less baked goods!  With the disease I have, Bi Polar, apparently sugar levels are really very important and my doctor gave me a serious what for this last visit.  So it's time to listen, he hasn't steered me wrong thus far.  Although putting me on meds that tend to cause weight gain was cruel and unusual punishment.  Bastard!

 

Here's some saying pictures I truly loved as of late and thought I could do some writing with.  I hope you enjoy.   Tomorrow is about Fatty Fish.  And I don't mean the Omega 3 protein.

 

 

It's a horrible life fact that I haven't seen changing yet.  People will feel the need to do the above whether out loud or quietly to make themselves feel better.  And it will hurt, ooooh kids, it's gonna hurt, and then when you come out the other side you will have hated yourself, rated yourself, felt shaky and thought yourself broken but you will still be standing.  And that's what makes you, you.  We are defined by our actions and reactions to life.  Our actions and reactions define us.  Until such time as this is no longer true, and we can be defined by our smiles, hearts, words, remember this.  Remember for every action there is an equal or greater reaction and you will be judged by them until more people learn to stop judgement, including ourselves.

 

I have a big problem with this one because I expect people to listen when I learn.  I want to share, to provide a lesson that hurt me so you don't have to hurt.  I want to save people.  It's my biggest fault, my immediate reaction to be a martyr, to put myself on a pedestal for others.  It costs me because of the Bi Polar.  After I do these things I tend to fall into a hole that's pretty dark and frankly I didn't need to do it in the first place.  All I needed to do was be by your side and let you figure everything out on your own, you'd get there.  I often hear, "I didn't come to you because I didn't want to hear what you were going to say". 

 

 

 

When I went through shit with a friend last year, I was told my reactions were unreasonable, perhaps they were, I was hurt after all.  I get vicious when I am vulnerable and hurt. 

 

I have been accused of being self centered but not in the way of being selfish.  That I am not.  In having the need to have everything be about me.  Even when I apologized I was told I made it about me.  I, me, I, was apologizing so there being an aspect about me is not unusual. 

 

I was accused of doing kind things so that I could get accolades and attention.  It's not untrue.  I do things for people I love because I love them and they love me back.  I don't think doing something and expecting love in return is so bad actually.  If we all did nice things for love the world would be full of nice things and love. 

 

I am honest, I don't cheat, I don't lie, I make mistakes but I am honest.   I had a secret once, one I should have come clean with much earlier than I did but in telling I only alleviated my own guilt.  What I learned was not to have secrets, not to lie.   When I was younger cheating was second nature, it happened to me so much.  I started being the cheater until I met my husband.  It was too much to risk losing.

 

I realized in the past couple of years that true happiness is resented by the weak and those unwilling to work for happiness.  Happiness isn't just handed over to you because you think it.  Thinking it is the start but you must act out your happiness.  Don't work somewhere that makes you unhappy.  If you have to for financial reasons, then make sure that outside of that job you are doing thing's that balance you to the happy positive until you can find another job. 

 

If you are unfit and unwell, do everything you can to make that better so you are happy about them.  If you often find yourself saying unhappily, "I am unfit and unwell" try doing anything and everything to turn that around.  Even those riddled with disease that is incurable you will find have happiness.  They know what they can and can't do to bring light into their days and damned if they don't just do so.  They bring light in every single moment they have left.  What are you waiting for?  Your last breath?  Don't waste that much time, please.  I know.  My Bi Polar leaves me unhappy a lot of the time, when I am happy, I don't waste that time.  I do things that make me happy even if it's dancing in my living room along with the music way too loud.  Good or bad days, the gym has become my mantra.  I am not little, I am a plus sized gal and I will not stop going to the gym because I sweat unattractively.  LOL

 

As for doing my best, I need to work on that, I really do.  I short change my best all the time.  Only giving my best when I am giving to others.  When I give, I give too much of myself.  I suppose when you look at this lovely soul Mother Theresa, she gave everything and it was never deemed by her to be too much.  I guess I do that only because I get sick afterwards but I would likely get sick anyways even if I didn't over give.  I would be stressed over not giving enough.  I think you need to make others smile in the world through giving to make the world a happier place.  The more you give to others, the more they do too.  Pay it forward.  We need more of it. 

 

In the end it's between you and God.  Or you and your creator.  Or scientifically speaking, you and you.  Your last breath can be full of life, love, and happiness or it can be full of others angst.  It's totally up to you now isn't it? 

 

I love me some Mother Theresa.  Had she only been able to show the world more and longer how it was to live the perfect life of giving and happiness.  It's why she lived so long.  There was only light.  

 

 

 

 

 

DBPW - Day 66 *cough* *sneeze* and I won't lie *snort*

I think I should clarify that I am not entirely off carbs.  I will have zero sugar, high fibre bread in the am with egg and some cheese etc.  What I have given up is bread as a side dish, baking, sandwiches and so forth.   Every night I tend to make a dessert for the family when it’s not a special occasion.  You know just because we are having dinner!  Whooo whooo, dinner, let’s celebrate with dessert!  That I am giving up.  Also, fresh bread as a side dish to a salad, no more.  Things like that.  I feel much less bloated but time will still tell if it helps the Bi Polar.  The idea is sugars are a mind altering drug that is bad for Bi Polar people who don’t need mood altering foods.    I’ve always know that sugar is an inflammatory in the body too and I am very curious to see if it helps my arthritis.   Of course the first weekend I am off is my step daughter’s birthday so cake will be on the menu.  First weekend!  Really?  It’s like letting Chris Brown out of jail to stay in a girl’s dormitory in College.  Not right!

I am still damn sick with this bronchial flu that I wasn’t going to talk about.  I didn’t talk about it and it got worse so fuck the “don’t perpetuate it” bullshit.  I am sick and I want fucking sympathy!  LOL  Each morning I am so horse that I actually whinny instead of speak.  Each night I am so achy that I look like Billy Ray Cyrus.  It’s ugly in other words.  I just woke from a nap, with my puppy who sympathizes with me greatly.  I love that.  One paw always finds its way to me when I am out cold, which is good cause at a hundred pounds 1 paw is all I can handle. 

Speaking of sympathy, did I mention the in laws are coming for the weekend?  I am kidding, they are pretty great.  I am just sick, AND PRAYING the cold is gone by then.  My step daughter has it too and her whining could put me over the edge alongside in laws.  There’s only so much a girl can take.  But it’s the step daughter’s birthday as I said so….I must do what I must do because my husband, is the greatest things since sliced bread and considering I am off carbs, that’s pretty great. 

 

 

My husband has loved me since the day we first spoke and I was about this size (this weight) then too.  I have always been an angry girl, and he loved me anyways.  He saw my heart.

My husband got himself fixed.  A procedure he has offered on multiple occasions to reverse if I want kids of my own.  As for his, I love them as my own, so no reversal necessary.

My husband never makes decisions that affect me without me, he is always sensitive of my moods. 

On a Thursday night, the night on the town for most people on Bay Street (Canadian Wall Street) my husband has a couple of beers and heads home to me.  :)  He doesn't care about being on the town, he cares about being home with his wife.

We pray to god every time we have se.  Never mind.

The safest place in the world is in my husbands arms. 

Financially we are a team, always have been, always will be.  We got rich together and slowly we are getting poorer!

Cheat and lie?  Please, he'd be dead.  Honestly the only lies we tell each other are how many pairs of shoes I have, and how many boats he has. 

My husband loves my humour and my humour comes from my intelligence.  Least I fink so.

The accomplishments I've made as a person the last few years are best applauded by my husband.  They mean the most, his applause and his recognition.  And he, finds the personal accomplishments the best ones for me.  It's wonderful considering all he puts up with. 

My writing is important to me.  It seems like it is more important to him.  He encourages me daily.

My husband has never, ever, torn me down.  And neither have I him.  It's not what people who love each other do. 

Anytime there's been a matter of respect between us, we have talked it out to determine what has meant what because typically it's a misunderstanding.

I am sure you are bored already, maybe jealous, maybe both.  LOL  We are pretty stupid together.  If you don't have anything close to this, resembling this, you should, it's what you deserve. 

Do you know what you deserve?  I hope so.