Eating
disorders are defined
as mental
disorders defined by abnormal eating habits that negatively
affect a person's physical or mental health.
Body image is defined as the way you see yourself and imagine
how you look. Having a positive body image means that, most of the
time, you see yourself accurately, you feel comfortable in your body, and
you feel good about the way you look.
I would wager that, if you
find yourself having to warn people that you have gained weight, then you have
an eating disorder. At a minimum you have poor body image.
Likely you have abnormally eaten to gain the weight, or conversely
finally eaten normally (stopped restricting) and gained weight. By
needing to tell someone you have gained weight, it is obviously negatively
affecting your mental health.
I have done this.
If I haven't seen someone
in a very long time, and who's opinion matters (too much really) to me, I will
figure out a way to let them know I am heavier. If I feel my
vulnerability will be safe with them, I will tell them very directly that I am
anxious about seeing them because, "I am huge". If I am not
that entirely sure of the safety of my feelings with them, which is more often
the case, then I will make a few jokes to clearly and definitely let them know,
"I am huge".
I have lost and gained 75
pounds in my lifetime, several times. When I take control of my eating
and restrict my intake, I can take the weight off pretty readily.
However, emotionally I am restricting my feelings then as well. I
am shut off. I feel nothing for anyone, which keeps me safe from my
feelings, which stops the over eating. During these restrictive periods I
often tend to drink too much, and sleep around. Those habits make up for
missing out on the reckless abandon of over eating. One addiction takes
the place of another. When I am heavy, it's a pretty clear indication
that my emotions are raw, and I am feeding them. I am trying to stomp
them down with food. As I said, one addiction takes the place of another.
Recently someone
felt the need to say the, "I am bigger" warning to me.
In that second of time I
studied my emotional response to being on the receiving end of
this warning. I was curious as to what others might feel when I say
it to them. I was saddened by what felt. If I am truly honest
with myself and with you reading this, I was relieved. I
was relieved that someone else felt the same way I did. I was
relieved that someone else had gained weight like I have. And I
was relieved that I was not alone in the misery (of weight gain).
Then I was truly ashamed
of myself.
It should be noted that
due to the shame I felt, I over eat all day thus feeding my shame with more
shame. Pretty smart huh? Counterproductive much? This is the
perfect example of an eating disorder. That which makes us feel uncomfortable
is shoved away with food. Which makes us feel more uncomfortable.
So more food is needed. And so on, and so forth.
This whole post is eating
disorder/poor body image talk at it's best and polar opposite to the wonderful
body acceptance movement beginning to take place across the world right
now. And that is why I am writing this. I need to
take responsibility for my feelings and my part in this vicious cycle of
poor body image.
If you have never felt the
horrible nagging need to tell someone you've gained a few pounds, (or
conversely brag about your weight loss), then you likely don't have an eating
or body image disorder. People with them, even to the smallest degree,
value themselves almost entirely by their weight. They cannot see themselves
past their own weight change and often then focus on the same in others as
well.
Do you know who causes
eating disorders and poor body image in women? Mostly women, other women.
We do this to ourselves. We bond over the shame of weight gain.
We celebrate weight loss. And we are jealous and envious of another's
deemed success. A success being defined as weight loss. WE, are
doing this. Women are. And we need to stop.
How many of you have said
recently, "Jesus, Melissa McCarthy ever look great. She's lost a ton
of weight".
Ever looked at another
woman's photo and thought, "fuck she looks great, I wish". Have
you gone as far as to say, "OMG you look fucking amazing, so
jealous". Basically we are saying, "you look great and I hate
you for it because I have no self esteem". Or how about when
you look at a person's picture on Facebook and you think, "oooooh she's
gained weight, thank god I am not the only one". Feeding this.
I am feeding these diseases.
If you have never done any
of the above, you have a solid self worth. A solid acceptance of
your body. You couldn't possibly comprehend what I am talking about
although I would bet you've thought, "oh, she's so big, I bet she's
unhappy, maybe I could help". Just that thinking alone that, "big
means unhappiness or ugly", feeds this. So you're not entirely off
the hook.
I basically wrote all this
because I need to be clear that I was ashamed of my response to this women's
misery. I fed it. I said, "I get it, here's what I ate today,
we share a boat and it's called the Good Ship Fatty Pants". I didn't help
her. I didn't make her feel better about herself. I just
climbed aboard her poor body image sinking ship and cut another hole in it for
myself. Fuck.
So the question remains,
how do we fix this? I know by writing this and waking up to my own shit,
helps. Are you admitting any of this stuff to yourself? Then I am
helping there too.
But really, how can we take it further?
When we see someone, do we
say nothing about their looks and stop making one's appearance important at
all? Is that even realistic?
Or do we say, "you
look beautiful" making sure we also say it if there's any weight gain in a
person thus helping them through any of their own body acceptance issues?
What do you think?
How do we fix us women? I think we need help. Least I do.
That's been proven really.
I would like to thank
Ashley Graham, Brittany Gibbons and Tess Holliday who are making body
acceptance the norm. These three women, and more, are rewriting
the definition of beauty for women all over the world. And they have
made me a better person for it. I wouldn't be writing this if it weren't
for them making me think every single day that I need love more and judge less negatively when it comes to body image.
Thank you.
Love,
Nicolle
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