Does this make me look fat?

Whether you’re a Royal Family watcher/stalker/obsessor or not, obviously they are news.  When Diana married Charles, we watched.  When they had babies, we watched.  When they got divorced, “oh my” (*clutches pearls* as a friend says), we watched.  And when she died, we cried alongside her family.  We cried watching those young boys follow the funeral procession and we loved the Queen for doing what was right and breaking tradition, giving Diana a funeral worthy a Royal.  Okay so maybe you didn’t watch directly, but if you had the TV on any channel other than 666 Huntley Street (saw what I did there, clever huh?), you saw something related to the Royals. 

And now, still in my day, I get to see it all again.  The beautiful Catherine marry her Prince William.  It’s the stuff fairy tales are made of.  You and I both know that we dream at night about being a Princess, every girl does.  Now only it’s really happening.  Not reality happening.  We aren’t talking the Kardashian’s here, we are talking REAL ROYALTY.  I loved the wedding, I am not even remotely ashamed to say I watched every second of it.  And I have followed them ever since too so suck it.  I can be a bad ass and still love me some fairy tales.

The “Royal Couple” seem so happy and down to earth.  Happy to have each other.  Down to earth enough to realize what’s expected of them (silly fascinators, they really are ridiculous) and what they want to do (topless sunbathing…holla’).   To me, perfection.  I don’t need to dream about being a princess, I am lucky.  I have a man that would treat me like a princess if I asked.  I don’t ask.  Unless you are going to dress up every day I don’t think it is right to ask to be treated like someone who should! Haha

When the Royal Couple got married, people criticized.  They talked about “her boring dress” in comparison to her sisters.  They spoke of a long drawn out ceremony.  Too much pomp and circumstance over substance.  What I saw, was a beautiful girl marrying her prince in front of millions.  A girl so confident she wore a traditional gown and saw fit to allow her gorgeous sister to shine.  How generous of spirit she is as you know most brides think in their heads “who’s gonna look better than me?”  I saw two kids honoring hundreds of years of tradition in their ceremony versus a ceremony they would have chosen otherwise.  Why is everyone in such a hurry?  Slow the fuck down people, you are missing what’s right in front of you, it’s called LIFE.  Pomp and circumstance, that’s the kids fault is it?  Only those fascinators which are required tradition and what the Queen likely ordered is what that wedding contained.   Otherwise the next day you saw a girl wearing an outfit she had worn before greeting “her public” again uncomfortably but with enough grace to say “I get this is my life”.

 

I love that this girl wear’s an appropriate dress to every event and outing she goes to.  To be casual in public she wears appropriate shoes and button downs.  Almost always heels and nylons.  And she recycles.  People have said she shouldn’t, she should in the public eye, not re-wear a dress.  Then others say she shouldn’t buy a new dress for an event when the economy is at it is.  I love that she changes up a belt and shoes and wears a dress twice, it screams, “I mean you no harm, I am human”. 

 

Then the trip to Canada.  Where we asked them to participate in any number of Canada traditions, silly as they might be.  It’s what’s expected, tradition, tradition, tradition and they did it all with class.  The paddling competition, so great.  The tiny touching signs of their love for each other.  *sigh* so lovely.  A slipped in kiss, smile, hand hold here and there.

 Along with the rest of the world we wondered if she, we’re homies you know, was okay.  She lost a bit of weight and on an already thin athletic frame we were concerned.  Was the stress of the public too much?  We were putting too much pressure on a young girl?  We all remembered finding out Diana fought bulimia throughout her marriage due to the public probing eye.  She was thinner than Diana.  Oh no.  I had a feeling of concern, as I always do when someone could be hurting, it’s what I do.  But I realize now people were being critical.  It seems it’s all we want to do, find fault.  Perhaps if we find fault in someone else’s appearance maybe then, we will feel good about ourselves?  But why?  Why are we putting pressure on young women?  So dangerous a road that is.  It leads to more and more eating disorders, more depression, and more unhappiness.  Concern is one thing, being critical is another and it’s a fine line. 

Then our girl, I am sharing her now, got pregnant.  We listened and watched her being in hospital due to excessive morning sickness.  We listened as two radio hosts played a prank on the hospital and a young nurse having fallen for it took her own life.  We seemed to have learned nothing.  Nothing at all from that.  We pointed the blame on the radio hosts.  They got fired and punished.  I don’t remember anyone saying how much pressure that nurse must have been under looking after royalty and we had no idea how much what occurred affected the Princess herself.  Imagine being in the hospital so sick you worry about your child and you hear one of your nurses, someone who took care of you, took her own life for falling for a prank in direct relation to you?  Yep, I am sure that helped the pregnancy along.  That stress free environment I am sure the Princess needed.  Why again I ask?  Why is this okay today?

We all watched her fashion choices during pregnancy and all of us wondered how her bump was so small.  She didn’t pop until the final hours really.   Unlike so many other famous pregnant women, this thin athletic frame barely showed her bump.  So we questioned it, we dissected it.   We didn’t seem to criticize her clothing, we were too busy doing that to other famous people.  She got lucky there.  Even those famous women felt relieved of pressure due to the Princess’s pregnancy.  You know it’s bad when you feel relieved because someone else is pregnant.  And that’s us, we all watch.  We all comment.  We are critical.  Why?

 

And here’s Johnnnnnny!!!  Sorry, I mean George.  George George George of the jungle, friend to you and me… Okay little off track.  She had a baby boy.  Again, perfection.  A boy heir for the throne.  A girl would have been nice too but we all know, having a boy first is the way to go with the Royal’s with tradition.  Even though the Queen changed the rules to account for a girl, we know her Royal Hiny wanted a boy. 

There she was, 24 hours after the birth coming out of the hospital looking movie star princess worthy in makeup and hair, pretty little blue dress to match her hubby’s blue shirt, and heels.  The heels being on her not him.  That would be something to criticize wouldn’t it?  “The prince wore heels as he….”  Never mind.  This is what happens when you read something written by someone with bi polar disorder.  Sorry, what was I talking about?  Right right, the princess.  The girl was wearing freakin’ heels as she presented herself and her new baby (“HER BABY”) to the world.  We get that the baby is hers right?  King or not some day, it’s HER BABY.  She passed her son to her husband and ascended the steps.  Likely doing that because she was unsteady on her feet.  Remember not even 24 hours before she was pushing 8 pounds some odd ounces out of her whoo haaaw.  She looked perfection.

 

And there they went, up to the crowd to say a few words and show the world their baby.  THEIR BABY, their brand new baby.  And god bless them, just like a normal family William drove them home to the palace with the babe all tucked into his car seat, momma seated right beside him.  Of course normal people don’t drive home to a palace but you know what I mean.  It was Perfection.  Like every other father, he drove home his wife and baby.  *sniff*

 

So how is it, after talking about this wonderful love story, movie worthy shit that I find myself wanting to kick half the world in their tacos and the other half in their junk?  Because according to my hubby who watches CNBC and CNN all day long as he works, the media is going ape shit over the Princess's “baby belly”.  Apparently "fat" has been tossed around.  I am losing my shit!!!!!  The girl left the hospital only 24 hours after giving birth and was done head to toe.  Most women leave in a wheel chair, hair piled atop their head, makeup having been sweated down their faces, and track suits some of which you are sure you can see spots off burp ups already on, boob juice, and maybe even after birth.  That’s how a normal woman looks and rightly so.  She just pushed a human being out of her vagina!!!!!!!!!!!  If it was a man, he’d come out on a stretcher with the wife carrying the child.  So what the hell is wrong with people today that they can actually comment on her after belly?   ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  You same people likely watch Honey Boo Boo for entertainment.  That child’s belly is bigger than that of the women who just passed a child.  Do you think because the baby is out the belly just snaps back into place like a fucking elastic???  It doesn’t work that way.    Why do you think that runway models hide for at least a month before being seen in public?  It is to allow the bump to settle back down.  THERE WAS A CHILD GROWING IN THERE.  You realize that right?  It’s where they grow.  And better yet, you know where they come out right?  Might be a tad sore after?

Why are we judging her versus congratulating her?  She was out of there so fast I am surprised that belly wasn't the fucking after birth.  Let alone the fact there isn’t a woman on the planet that would have worn a dress and heels.  Had she worn the standard tights and flowy top hiding it all we would have criticized her casual appearance.  Anyone saying she's fat has; a) never had a kid or been around someone who has or, b) is a stupid man.  She looked perfect, just perfect with her teeny tiny after birth belly she will have for maybe a week. I mean she is a fantasy princess after all, it will disappear in time.  But guaranteed we needed evidence of the birth or else the stupid human race would have said “is it even hers, was the pregnancy real”, was it Beyoncé?  Of course it was and to say anything else is ridiculous.  Should the princess stay in full time hiding so we don’t put her through this or should we keep it up so we get to talk of her struggle with bulimia one day just like William’s Mother.  A woman who had bulimia largely due to the pressures of being under the public microscope. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I get that being Royal, having a palace, and potentially being married to the King one day has its perks.  There’s almost always a downside to fame.  But by being in the eye shouldn’t give us free reign to be critical when criticism is completely unnecessary.   Why as a human race are we at such a place that we judge others for their appearance so heavily.  Let’s use Justin Bieber as an example here.  He is very famous.  He gets followed everywhere so we know what he’s up too and when he does truly stupid shit, we get to call it stupid shit.  But we don’t often pick on his appearance.  We don’t call him fat or thin, just brain dead or not brain dead.  Douchey or not douchey.   So why do we look at a woman, who’s just given birth, and question her being fat?  or her outfit choice could have been better to hide that fat???  We hurt young girls every time we publicly discuss the weight of another woman.  We make them look in the mirror and question their beauty.  New Mom’s are gonna triple guess their “go home” outfits, “don’t want to show that belly that’s left” look what CNN said!!!!  We need to stop doing this to women.  We are critical enough, each and every day, on ourselves. 

Princess Catherine is perfect.  There I said it.  Now it’s your turn, go tell someone you think might need it that they are perfect too.   Or better still, look in the mirror and say it to yourself.  Not out loud though, talking to yourself like that can get a doctor called.  Trust me on that one.  Of course I was arguing with myself about how fat I actually was.

 

 

Jesus that's one big belly. ($@#$%^&*(